I just read that article, "You Just Broke Your Child" that everyones been posting on facebook this week.
It broke my heart to think about kids who grow up like that. My dad wasn’t perfect, but I don’t remember him ever being like that. He was pretty damn good at his job as dad as far as I can remember. And he’s doing an even better job at grandpa now with my nephew.
Here’s the thing about it though. I read the entire article. I read all the way too the end. It should have made me hopeful. It should have made me happy that dad’s like Single Dad Laughing, my dad, my brother, exist. It should have made me feel better about the world. But it didn’t. All it did was make me hate bad people more, and add another reason to my growing list of “Reasons I’m Not Having Children”.
I watched this TED talk yesterday by Andrew Solomon called Depression, the Secret We Share. It was eye opening. I sent it to my best friend, and her reply was even more eye-opening. The way he described it is exactly how depression really is. And after my best friends response I started to realize that it affects me more than I am even aware of.
Andrew’s explanation of how we don’t think we’re seeing the world through a grey veil of depression, we think the rose colored veil of delusion has been lifted, and we’re seeing the truth of what the world is. Thats how that article about dads felt to me. Like the rest of it, about good people possibly existing, all seemed like a lie to me. All I could focus on was that asshole who was so mean to his kid.
I’m at a point where I truly believe that humans are inherently evil, and that very occasionally the capacity for compassion exists. I don’t trust anyone or anything they say. Even my best friend. I love her to death, and I would die if she disappeared out of my life, but I constantly feel like she’s going to get tired or bored of dealing with me, even though she makes it damn clear its not like that.
She said the video was eye-opening for her too. She watched it twice. She said even though she has no idea what its like to be depressed, she said it started to make a little more sense to her after that. And she says she heard me say some of those things before. It was odd to me that she doesn’t understand it, because I realized that really, that doesn’t even matter to me. What matters is that she doesn’t judge me for it, she accepts it and me, and acknowledges that its real. She’s supportive of me, and doesn’t lose patience with me. She’s honest with me, but its never judgemental or condescending. And she will listen to me talk about it. And she’s supportive of mental health related initiatives. That means a lot to me, because I think thats a cause I’m most passionate about. I hate depression, its hell. But I want people to know that there is options out there. I want people to know they can talk to someone. And i want people to stop pretending it doesn’t exist. Theres nothing I hate more than people who scoff at it, or act like it doesn’t exist, or are condescending about getting help. Everyone should be able to talk about it. If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it, maybe you should do some research and learn something about mental health so that its not so scary to you.
I want people to get help. A friend of mine posted this on facebook today, its a site for teens. I wish I could show this to every kid in the world. AnxietyBC for Teens
This depression shit, it sucks. it feels like climbing up the wrong side of a never ending sand dune, and the sand just keeps coming down in front of you, pushing you back harder than you can climb.
But there’s ways to learn to handle it. There is people to talk to. Even if you feel alone, theres someone out there. I frequent r/depression on reddit a lot.
www.depressionhurts.ca is good for finding resources, and for learning about depression if you know someone who is affected and you don’t how to deal with them.
WebMD has a list of resources
In Alberta this is a list of crisis hotlines for help.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a 1-800 number, as well as an online chat option.
Theres options. There is someone to talk to.
Yesterday was #BellLetsTalk day in Canada. They raised over $5 million. It was awesome to see. But its not enough. I still have friends who won’t talk about it, or are rude and condescending and uncomfortable talking about mental health. It has to change.
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