Another New Start! in A New Beginning

  • Aug. 12, 2017, 6:56 a.m.
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Three or four entries back, I wrote something that caused a couple of my long-time friends to think I wanted to have snailmail penpals. I actually think that, although I didn’t THINK I meant that, the universe has a way of getting us together with the people and things that we really DO want, and need. And if we go with the flow instead of resisting, we will end up finding ourselves with some wonderful things that we never expected to have. :o) The truth is, I used to LOVE writing snailmail (handwritten) letters, back before we got our first computer and internet. I looked forward so much to the mail coming every day! The members of my family of birth were all excellent letter writers, and Joe’s Ma didn’t do too badly at it. Other members of Joe’s family sucked at it, which left me disappointed.

It’s been AGES (more than a decade!) since I sent handwritten letters to people! I received one from one of my PB friends yesterday, and it was so pleasing. I sat right down to read it. But all the while I was wondering, “Will I enjoy writing back??” because I hardly ever write anything now!! All I do is type! Handwriting feels like hard work!! But I didn’t want to type a letter. That seemed like it would be cheating somehow. I mean, it kinduv has a colder feel to it, doesn’t it? Well, I have WRITTEN back to my friend, sitting at me dining room table, and it did not feel like hard work at all. :o) Maybe rekindling this once-much-enjoyed pastime is just what I needed to do. New hobbies are good, and sometimes a new hobby can be an old one you decide to rekindle! :o)

Boy howdy, I have been sore as heck this week. But whatEVER; I’m getting my injection on Monday. I am gonna try to lie low this weekend. That doesn’t really help a lot, since I can’t either lie or sit for very long! But I have had a good week in spite of it. I went out to lunch with Carol one day; had Wendy over the next day and went out shopping and lunching with Sandy the next. I also got the lawn mowed. I had enough sense to not mow it all in one go this time, though.

I really take a freakin’ lot of pills when I am hurtin’ this much. I just take extra-strength tylenol. No other over-the-counter thing works! I take more than the bottle says to take, and I do it every day. But after I get my injection on Monday (THANK GOD THAT IS COMIN’ UP SOON!!!!!), I might only need to take it once a day, the normal amount. That’ll be nice. People say, “Oh, but taking that much can hurt your ____.” (kidneys, liver, whatever.) Well, I can’t just BE in pain all the frickin’ time, and I’m sure they couldn’t be either. Anyway, something is going to hurt something, in everybody, at some point, because mercifully, nobody is gonna live forever! I enjoy my life, but lemme assure ya....I don’t want to live forever! ;o)

Here is a question for anyone who wants it. If someone asked you, “How do you want to be loved?,” what would you say? I ask, because my niece (who is 51 years old) divorced a pretty darn good guy two years ago. He loved her and did a lot for her, but of course he wasn’t perfect. She admits that he did a lot for her, but always says “He didn’t love me the way I want to be loved.”

Soooooo, honestly, I can’t answer that question for myself. I want to be loved, for sure. I’ll be damned if I can say how, though. I figure, if Joe acts affectionate and loving toward me, that’s love. If he helps me with things, that’s love. If he and I really have fun doing things together, that’s love. Her husband did those things. I don’t know what she felt was missing. I don’t know that Joe and I have any kind of “magical ingredient” beyond this. Honestly, I don’t think we do! I mean, hell. We argue sometimes. He really does things that PISS!! ME!! OFF!! He helps me with things....if I pester him about it often enough! and wait long enough! We haven’t had sex in FOREVER. (But that suits us both. We liked it back when we DID have it! :oD !!) And I most definitely love him and I know he loves me. There are a few things I get from elsewhere.... Joe and I converse LOTS LOTS more than we used to, but I really need others in my life for that too, like my friends and sisters and the kids. But that’s why we don’t usually live alone with our spouses on a desert island! Because maybe we’re not even supposed to get all of the love we get from just that one person!

Anyhow, hmmmmm.....it’s 6:20 on Saturday mornin; do I have anything else to say? thinks
Oh! Oh yea! I wanted to talk about LOOKS. Okay, I think I’m an alright-looking person. When I smile, I am cute. I do not think my looks ever EVER EVER extend to beautiful or probably not “pretty” (which has to have a certain soft or girly quality to it), but cute is good. Maybe I like it the best of the three. “Attractive”....that is a word that covers all three; plus a few women are actually “handsome,” which is good also. But anyway, let me get on with this. All through my high school years, when I also was extremely, painfully shy, the boys in school taunted me and called me ugly. I did not date all through high school; in fact I never got asked on a date ‘til junior year of college even though no one anytime beyond high school said I was ugly at least! You’ve probably heard that very old phrase “sweet sixteen and never been kissed”? Well, I was twenty. I thought that these things were never EVER going to be a part of my life. But then I finally got asked on a date! OMG! and kissed! and asked out again! and etc.! and finally ended up marrying a guy that other women (not just me! giggles) considered HANDSOME! HA!

But anyway....I still am a little tiny bit....hmmmmm, what might the word be??....about looks. I LOVE photos of myself....in which I am looking at the photographer, SMILING, and look cute. I do NOT like “unposed” photos that show me with some ghastly expression on my face and ten chins. Why would I, right?? DOES ANYONE?! I am a photographer too. I am thoughtful of other women, and if a woman looks bad in a photo I’ve taken, I don’t post said photo on Facebook for all the world to see! But ya know, there are these OTHER women....the ones who are very very pretty/beautiful....who look at almost ANY picture of themselves and squeal “oh I look so HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” when THEY DON’T. They NEVER do. And you seriously just want to tell them to shut. the. fuck. up. because on your BEST day, you don’t come up to their “horrible,” for cryin’ out loud.

Anyhow, I WILL post (of my own accord) a photo of me in which I’m not looking very good, IF my dog or kids or grandson is in it too and they look good. Because I am proud of them, and love to be in a picture WITH them, so I put it out there to show the world. I might make a tongue-in-cheek comment about it.

Like a few days ago, I had Joe take two pictures of me and Guinness before he went to work. I posted them, because Guinness looked so cute. But I (because of the way I was sitting, mostly) looked like (and I wrote this) “a toad who has not missed many meals.” Welp! I did! I wasn’t sittin’ around crying about it though! But things just ARE, sometimes!

And this one woman.....a friend from OD days, but I haven’t found her here on PB....she wrote, “oh, Linda, stop. You look great!” This woman is one of those who is and probably has always been so daggone pretty that she’d STILL be pretty at 5 a.m., with her hair a mess, sleepy eyes and a bad case of the flu, for cryin’ out loud! I KNOW she would be! My God! I was like, “Don’t tell me to stop! I will make fun of myself if I want to! I actually have fun doing that sometimes. For me, it shows THAT I HAVE COME A LONG WAY.”

So how are you, re: your own looks? Do you like pictures of yourself usually?

Anyhow....I’m thinking I might mosey back to bed ‘til Joe’s ready to emerge from the cocoon. I hope we all have a happy weekend!


thesunnyabyss August 12, 2017

I like the idea of an honest and reliable love but I do admit there has to be something more, and the talking, Wayne and I still have those long, deep conversations, you'd think after 30 years or so you'd lose interest or have heard it all before, but we just keep chatting away,

I am bad for taking photos of myself, I am very self critical, I do not think I take good photos, although I am sure they aren't as bad as I think, it's definitely not about thinking I am ugly or anything, I just don't think my photos look like me, lol, I am probably deluding myself, lol,

enjoy your weekend!!!

woman in the moon August 12, 2017

About being loved the way you'd like to be - I wonder about the woman who said she wanted that - if she could define what she wants, or thinks she wants.
Both your questions - love and looks - are about wanting perfection, and not being satisfied with a reasonable level of whatever - love or looks, I guess.
I wasn't satisfied with my husband, how he loved me, etc. I suppose I should have been.
I am generally happy with my looks. Most photos show something I don't like about myself. I think there should be a good enough photo and sometimes there is but often I am disappointed. I post pics that show me at my best usually, but sometimes I post unflattering ones too.

I am Me woman in the moon ⋅ August 12, 2017

I think she is wanting a man who will love her the way her Dad did. He died when she was 14. Since her parents were divorced and he was the "visit on weekends" parent, all he ever had to do was the fun stuff. So she has idealized him all these years and NO ONE will ever measure up.

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