Yes, it’s all my own fault for valuing convenience. That’s how it all started. And I suppose it’s also my own fault for falsely assuming that by “politely ignoring” you, you’d get the hint to go the fuck away. But now that it’s been nearly a year after the fact, and I’ve received voicemail after voicemail, and God knows how many texts and emails have been blocked, it’s painfully obvious that you need the message sent to you in a more clear way.
That’s right, I chose you out of convenience. I was naive and thought I had chosen someone who “knew” my neighborhood and who didn’t come off like one of those “know-it-all” realtor types. Little did I know that you were actually a “know-nothing-at-all” realtor, who happened to memorize her company’s selling script to a T. Well played, madam.
I hated, HATED a certain ex-coworker of mine. I never trusted a single one of his ideas, but maybe I should have taken him up on his advice to ditch you when you had us quite literally a single signature away from a house that had significant unpermitted work. YOU as a professional should have pointed that out to us. And it’s not like it was hard to find that information. But still, we were just lucky to have found that on our own. Yes, that should have been my first clue, and I should have ended it then. But again, convenience and necessity…
And then there was the house that we did buy. You know, the one that my husband, not you, found. The one that you were hesitant to take us to the next day because you had been out with us the prior day (I know, doing your job, the horrors!). The one that had we not convinced you to take us would have been gone the next day. As a realtor, I would expect you to know that a property that is “beautiful both inside and out” as you put it, in this market in the Spring would be gone immediately.
But all this notwithstanding, despite your perpetual aroma de mothball, despite your trying to get us killed with your horrific driving, the real fun began in “Part 2.”
Since we were no longer living in the house, I thought having someone who actually lived in the neighborhood would be helpful, especially when you OFFERED to check in on the house periodically. But coming back every few weeks to dead plants, lights on, and fucking OPEN WINDOWS diminished that hope. Bonus points for when the house had been sitting for some time and it took you several weeks to notice that we had moved out some of the couches. Even more bonus points for plugging a tropical Glade into my basement and putting it to the highest setting, - you know, the #1 “don’t” in all Buzzfeed home selling lists. Not only did that turn off everyone, but it did wonders for my allergies.
Oh, and the pricing. You got me good when you told me that the houses that sold high in the neighborhood were flukes, and convinced me to list my house for much lower. That strategy worked well, until my next door neighbor listed at 12% more than us and GOT IT WITHIN 2 WEEKS, while ours just sat and sat, and you acted like yet another open house would turn things around. Then you got offended when I said that not only was I unwilling to lower the price, I wanted out since it was the end of the market and wanted to start again in the spring, listing at a price that actually reflected the value of my house. Then you made some remark about “well if that’s what you want to do then we can try again in the spring” (because it takes a special kind of narcissist to believe that I would have used you again).
I’m an atheist, but the drama-free people who did finally buy our house were a godsend. Sure, I didn’t like offering the closing assistance that bumped up the price and got you an even higher commission for doing nothing more than sitting pretty, but the end was finally in sight. And then the day of closing, I had to listen to you tell me about how this was the right thing, blah, blah… (of course, when you’re receiving a substantial check for doing so little, it must feel good). But at least, that was the day it ended. At least, it was supposed to be.
Funny how even today I can look at houses in the neighborhood on real estate sites. Similar houses to mine are selling at prices close to next-door neighbor’s. If I see a lower-priced house, I guess that it’s one of yours. And guess what - I have been right 100% of the time! And guess what else - they too, are sitting forever. Perhaps I should have done some online reviews so that people would know better.
I had filtered out your calls and emails long before that offer came in, because I was “done” then. But when you continued to try and contact us, I had to put you into full-on block mode. Yet, one of two things is happening. Either my phone’s ringer is being sporadically disabled, and you are being sent directly to voicemail, or you know that you’re blocked and you’re dialing directly into voicemail. And given your stalking habits, I wouldn’t put the second past you.
But after having received one voicemail too many, especially since neither husband nor I have responded to a single one of your communications, starting today I am unblocking your calls. And if you do call me, I will answer if possible, and I will read everything that I have written above.
By the way, I know exactly why you’re doing this. You know we’re in temporary housing, and you’re hoping that if we stay “connected” we will use you again when searching for our next house. Because you don’t think that we have really overpaid you enough. But really, after hearing everything I’ve said, do you realistically think that will happen?
You’re right - not a chance in Hell. And because there will be no future business with you, and all of our past business is long complete, here is what will happen.
- You will never call us or leave voice messages again.
- You will never text us again.
- You will never email us again.
- You will never mail anything to us again.
- You will never otherwise attempt contact with us again.
It’s over, time for you to move on.
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