On Saturday night, I received a text off Grant asking if I would do a night shift at the pub starting in a couple of hours. I know that Dom has started working back there again and I really don’t feel ready to face him yet, so I cowardly turned the shift down that would have earned me £36 and plenty tips. I would have really appreciated that money, and it turns out that they would have really appreciated my help.
I hate it when I feel like I’m avoiding someone, or avoiding an awkward situation. What makes it worse is that I’m avoiding Dom who is literally my favourite person. I want to resolve this stupid issue even if it is just something that has escalated in my head. I know that I’m going to see him over Christmas, so I just want things to be normal between us before then.
I text him on Sunday for the first time in months asking if he would join me on a walk, he obliged but we figured it would be too late in the day before I’d have to travel back to uni so it didn’t happen. I couldn’t wait any longer to talk things over so I text him that night about my thoughts on how it’s gotten so awkward between us and he told me I’m thinking too much about the whole situation but would meet with me if it would make me feel better.
He went on to say that I’m ‘a loony’, and that I don’t make sense with anything I say or think about. The talk came to an abrupt end as he insisted he didn’t understand what the conversation had become. I’m confused because it seems like he just wants me to leave him alone despite the fact that our mutual friends keep telling me to make more effort.
I completely understand why he’s so resistant towards me;
- I hysterically cried down the phone to him after seeing pictures of how close he seemed to be getting to his friend at university (just being a standard drunk idiot).
- I accused him of having feelings and relations with other girls when we weren’t even on speaking terms. (Who do I think I am?)
- I attempted to kiss him whilst sat in a room full of people. (I got rejected.)
- I spent an hour sobbing for him after being thrown out of a club for having no ID (though, I was of age). I had no battery left on my phone and had no idea how to get back to where we were staying. When he found me I had gotten so worked up that I projectile vomited near him and left him with no other choice than to take me back to where we were staying; meaning he had traveled 7 hours to spend just 1 hour in a club for our friend’s birthday. I attempted to kiss him again during the night to which turned his head away and exclaimed ‘Ew, sick breath’.
To make things worse, this chasing game has been happening for over a year and through all of this I’ve had a boyfriend. It’s questionable as to why Dom has put up with me for so long - I really don’t know what he saw in me! I’m not with my ex-boyfriend, James, anymore though he still hangs around - and I’ve no idea why.
People who do terrible things all for the sake of some attention are the worst kind of people, and I fear that he may think I’m like that and I just want him to get to know me again and realise that I’m not that person.
To be honest, I know Dom isn’t interested in me that way anymore, he hasn’t been for a long time. He genuinely does think I’m a loony but he’s willing to be friends with me which is more than I can ask for but I’m still insane enough to hope that there might actually be a chance for us one day.
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