To Mars In A Tuna Can in Please Tell Me To Tell You What I'm Really Thinking

  • July 22, 2017, 9:23 p.m.
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I know you were seriously into the “Mars in 10 Years” quacks, and looking back, part of me wishes that it would have happened and you would have been selected for it. Because at least then there wouldn’t be two little girls subject to your psychotic misogyny.

Way back when, it was kind of funny in a creepy way. Telling me that you loved me when you knew me for 30 hours, then asking if I’d wait for you at 19 if you joined the military for 3 years. Telling me, your engineering school classmate, that you want to be a provider and would expect me to stay home. Teaching children a colorful new language when you thought that you were flying out of your roller coaster seat because your restraint barely made it to a single click. Calling me the whore of Jerusalem because I “took away” your virginity (per your request, I might add). Stalking my online diary then giving out the link to my friends so that they could read about themselves. Impersonating another diary user so you could be added to my diary. Bitching and moaning to social media about how much you hate me, and condoning violence against me. Calling me fat and then flipping your shit when I reminded you that you were well more than twice my weight (and no, I’ve never been thin myself, so that would put you into the morbidly obese category). Whining to my boyfriend and asking him if he would like you to bleed just so that you could know that you’re alive. Referring to the one who became my husband as “the rebound.” Emailing me out of the blue to give me love advice, because apparently I am so lost that I just needed to hear everything from my psycho ex. Repeatedly friending me on Facebook, then de-friending me when you see something you don’t like.

But now it’s just sad. Your wife has obviously adopted your eating and “exercise” habits and has ballooned up to your size. I don’t know what she did before (sounds like spent a lot of $$ on wasted schooling), but at least now she’s that housewife you’ve always wanted. I wonder if you ever called her fat.

Now I wonder if you will stay true to yourself and hold your daughters to the same standard that you hold your wife and tried to hold me. Or if you will do like Trump and expect your wife to remain beneath you while you give the very best opportunities to your daughters.

But in the meantime, please keep on posting on social media about your adventures at Burger King and Taco Bell with your daughters. Given that they already have the “fat gene” from both parents, I’m sure that they appreciate you actively propagating them along the path to obesity.


Last updated July 24, 2017


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