The sweet and the not-so. in A New Beginning

Today I am going to write about flowers and sisters.
Flowers, meaning the ones I just bought and planted.
Sisters, meaning sister.....my sister Carol, who can be very sweet or very NOT.

Did I tell ya’all that Joe (with Joey’s help) built us a new deck? Well, he did. Since he had been announcing his plans to do this once we got back from our trip to Carrie’s, I held off on planting flowers in my deck flower boxes until the new deck was finished. That took a lot of patience, because my flower boxes are something I LOVE, when they have flowers in ‘em. :o) On the deck railings, I can stand comfortably to weed and tend them!

Finally the deck is done! So yesterday I went out to buy potting soil and flowers for the boxes that needed flowers. (In five of the boxes, portulacas come up anew year after year.) To my dismay, but not really to my surprise, Walmart had NUTHIN. Oh, they had pots of flowers, but I was looking for the six-packs. I knew it’s kinda late for those, but I was disappointed anyway. But not too dismayed to continue my search! And turns out, Ace Hardware had just what kinds I wanted…petunias and marigolds…in six-packs. :o) They didn’t necessarily have my favorite colors of petunias, but red and pink ARE NOW my favorite colors because that is what they had. ;o)

(continued, evening of July 4th)
I got all the flowers planted and now they look very nice on the deck. Gee, I miss being able to post pictures like it was so easy to do on OD, but some of you have seen ‘em on FB anyhow. (If any of you wanna be FB friends, I am there as Linda LeBlanc.)

Yesterday I stopped by my sister Carol’s to visit and give her a little New England Patriots wee tiny coffee cup that we found for her at the flea market. She is the world’s absolute biggest Patriots fan, and people like to get her every Patriots Thing that there is. :o)

Sadly, we exchanged words that weren’t the kind I like to exchange with my sisters. :o( I can’t really say that we “argued,” but I said something she didn’t like to hear, which pretty much equates to sin. But it was what it was, and is what it is. She sees the world through her own mindset, and a lot of the time she sees stuff NOT the way that it is. Which is alright, I guess, if it’s not hurting someone or lying about them. But a lot of the time it amounts to a lie!

So, she is living with her daughter, and her only income is her social security. She HAD savings, but over the years she’s given all of that to Stef (her daughter) even though Stef didn’t ASK for it. Two years ago, for example, she paid the lawyer for Stef’s divorce. Why? Because she did not want Stef to put it on her credit card, even though Stef was going to. She is always paying for things because SHE doesn’t want Stef to put it on her credit cards. Stef doesn’t give a shit about putting stuff on her cards; she is part of the credit card generations! We used to do it too. And Stef is 50, and it’s not like she’s planning to retire anytime soon. She has a fairly good job (25 years with Met Life) and doesn’t need her Mom paying for stuff for her out of her monthly social security check.

The only thing Stef asks Carol to do, since her divorce, is to get the groceries for the two of them. Stef pays all the other household bills. Carol is always complaining to me about how she has “almost nothing left” after buying all these groceries. But of course when I suggest her mentioning to Stef that she might need a little help buying groceries, Carol just gives her usual stubborn look and doesn’t respond at all. Sandy (when those two DID do things together) and I both try to help by buying EVERYONE’s lunch when we go places. But Carol seems to take offense at that! In fact, she tries to insist on paying for ours. A couple of times when the three of us were out together, Sandy wanted to buy each of us a teeshirt (of the place we were at). Carol acted SO appallingly rude that I ‘bout wanted to smack her. “No! I don’t WANT a shirt!!” plenty loud, right in the store, instead of a pleased, “aw, thanks, Sis!” which is how you SHOULD act when someone wants to do something nice for you.

Anyway, so yesterday she started complaining about how much the groceries cost since Stef’s boyfriend has been coming down a couple times a week. I said “Well Sis, you could....” BUT OF COURSE SHE COULDN’T! Then somehow we got to the bit about nice people wanting to treat her to lunch, which mortally offends her because (as she said), “I’m NOT a CHARITY CASE!!” (No? But she is a Basket Case!) And then she started in about how Sandy used to try to get things for her, but she didn’t let her because (in her words), “Some people only do things for you so that later on if you make them mad they can bring it all up.”

WELL. Guess what? CAROL IS THE ONE WHO DOES THAT. I have been listening to her do that all of my life....listing all the things SHE has done for people, and adding that they never did anything to help her. I’ve never heard Sandy do it. I’ve really never heard anyone do it but Carol! I thought it was a Carol Original!

So....here comes the part where I sin....I ventured forth with, “But it’s YOU who does that! Not Sandy!”

BOY DID SHE GET SILENT. I think the room’s temperature dropped.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Because I’ll be damned if someone’s just gonna give My Royal Highness the silent treatment.

“Nothing,” she said.

“Oh yes there is. I guess I said something you didn’t want to hear. But Sis, it’s true. I have OFTEN heard you talk about all the nice things you did to help Sandy years ago and how she never did anything to help you.”

No damn response.

Ya know, I think it would literally kill her to utter any words akin to “You’re right.”

Anyhow, I said, “Sis, I’m not going to argue with you. I didn’t come over to do that. I’d better go before we do,” and I got up, gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek and left.

I don’t feel that I was in the wrong at all. Some things, people need to hear. But I do think it was useless, because she is never going to change. Plenty of people can change at her age (73) or much older, but she won’t. :o(

So that was the sweet and a whole lot of the not-so!