Slipping into Neutral on a Slope in General Mental Anesthesia

I don’t like posting stuff like this, but sometimes my brain is just so cluttered with stress, I need to just talk and pour things out. This is an update to my 1st entry on here entitled: [The Absenteeism of Me & Regularity] (https://www.prosebox.net/entry/577534/)

If you’ve read that entry than the following will make more sense.

I finally have an appointment to see a holistic Dr., though she is a 6 hour drive from me. She was the closest I found that had similar knowledge to my former homeo that I would love to see, but she’s in South Florida while I’m stuck in North Carolina.

I’m trying to save my life here, as all traditional meds and Dr’s have failed… just as they had in the past.

(A recent IV that went badly)

Over the last year, I’ve had to completely liquidate my life. I lost my apartment, had to sell off nearly all my belongings (whatever I had left after losing everything) just to pay for these Dr. visits and all the meds I’ve been on since June of last year.

Health insurance is expensive, but not having it is a death sentence.

So, I sadly had to sell my two favorite camera lenses a couple months ago. I tried so hard to keep my camera gear, it’s my livelihood and all I have left. (It sucks because if / when I get better, I’m going to need them to get work). One lens is a Sigma 135mm at 1.8f Art Series and the other was actually gifted to me. I did a lot of real estate work (photo / video) and it’s important to use a good wide angle lens that doesn’t fish-eye on you so you can accurately portray what the rooms look like and capture them in full view. Renting lenses is common (because they can be so expensive) but after shooting for a particular client which helped him sell some very nice homes, he bought the lens that I often rented for me. This was just prior to me getting sick so I’ve hardly used it, just twice I think.

It makes me want to cry actually.

That money went towards meds, food and trying to help my family (bills etc…) because they’ve been helping me this whole time. My mom had a major stroke recently, I should be taking care of her, not the other way around! Additionally, my sister has battled cancer and a stay at home mom at present; I need to be helping her as well! Instead, I’ve been a complete drain on them… it’s so depressing.

I have the money for the car rental, I can’t take mine because at 218k miles and needing work, she won’t make the trek. I can afford the holistic Dr’s visit and the treatment, but I still can’t afford to get a hotel the 3 nights I’ll be in Asheville.

Why 3 nights? I’m sick the 1st half of the day more than anything, so I can’t leave to go to Asheville until the afternoon (and even still, I’ll have to make several stops). I won’t get there until night. The next day is my appointment, there will be some testing done that day or scheduled the following day. That night I will need some rest to make the drive back home.

I’ve been stressing about this because in my condition, especially at the severity that it is at, I need my own private bathroom. I’m in too much pain and the frequency / urgency at which I need to go isn’t conducive to a shared bathroom. This is a luxury now.

As difficult as it will be, I need to find a campsite that will allow me to sleep in the car or I need to find a campsite that has a shelter already set up, something really inexpensive or free (which I know I won’t find) that has access to a bathroom nearby. It’s my only option at this point and I’m absolutely dreading it!

I feel like I’m whining and it’s uncharacteristic of me, it pisses me off. I’m very independent, I’ve lived on my own since I was 18, a runaway from abuse years prior… having survived so much, for so long and on my own, only to have all my freedoms and independence taken away from me is a hard act to swallow.

I’m not even physically capable of setting up my own tent, between my back injuries and colitis, I can’t do the bending, twisting, crouching etc…

If any of you out there in PB land know the city of Asheville, nc and possibly familiar with a place I can stay, please leave a comment, it’s the last hurdle that I have and have just a day to figure out.

Thanks kindly.

STORY CONTINUED: FOLLOW UP TO THIS ENTRY

Last updated November 28, 2018