My therapist on Monday discussed the possibility of putting me on testosterone at some point in the future. I am well aware of the impact that testosterone would have on my body. Most noticeably, my voice would deepen and I would grown more body hair, but there would be an assortment of other changes. I imagine her question was really to find out how manly I wanted my body to be, even though I don't identify as male.
It's a subject I've thought about a lot lately because I think most people see me as male until I open my mouth. Then they hear my higher pitch voice and re-evaluate. If I had a lower voice I think I would pass a male to almost everyone. And if I had facial hair it would be more helpful.
The truth is that the more I think about the body I wish I had, it is a body without breasts or hips, with a low voice, and with facial hair. I want people to look at me and see a man, not a woman, since most people are limited in their mind to just seeing one or the other.
I haven't really decided if I'd rather have a penis or a vagina. Were it possible, I'd like to have both.
I've been cursed with large breasts unfortunately, and they can be sore after a day in a binder. My husband said he wishes he had them, which lead to a long conversation about his own thoughts on his body. Sometimes I think I am kind of like his therapist.
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