Brain puke 06.15 in Daily Ranting

Hello. I hope everyone is having a good day/night. My time is 9:09pm. I put on a YouTube playlist on the TV and I’m gonna sit here and pour today’s thoughts here. Yesterdays post was my first, and I don’t have any real friends that I can sit down and pour my soul into. My one best friend left to join the army. But that is a whole different Brain Puke that I might do for the future.

My family isn’t going through the best situation right now. Me personally, I am not a religious person AT ALL (My intentions are not to offend anyone, to cause angry discussions, or to put down anyone else’s religious beliefs). When my siblings and I were young, we were raised in a strictly Catholic home. I used to believe, but I was young. I didn’t know that anything BUT the Catholic religion existed. When I was starting elementary school one of my siblings passed away from health related complications. After that death, things in my family kept getting worse. Family members kept dying, everyone was getting sick, my family got evicted from homes because my father was an immigrant. Up until my senior year in highschool I had a family that consisted of my siblings, my mom and father (Even yet another Brain Puke is the story of my mom’s husband aka. “father”). That soon went away.

All my life, I have known nothing but misery, unhappiness, worry, panic. I’ve felt everything but security, happiness, or trust. My stance on religion changed when I kept being told to “wait, keep your faith with god. He has a plan for you and is putting you through these challenges for a reason: to make you stronger, to test your faith, he loves you for who you are and what you are. Just believe in him and he’ll guide you.” I got so sick of it. Why am I putting my “faith and trust” into someone who has put me through nothing but misery and tragedies? Why is it that although they say that he “loves me for who I am” he wants to “test” my faith? What’s the point of trying to prove myself to someone who has done everything possible to stop me from being happy or seeing what a secure future looks like. And instead of getting an actual answer I get “well at least you’re alive, there are people dying and you are alive; there are people who have it way worse than you do and you’re just complaining.” So you’re telling me I can’t be upset/sad because someone has it worse than me? That’s like saying you can’t be happy because someone is happier than you. I hate that response. That response isn’t going to make me show up to church any faster.

I had a whole rant planned out but I’m currently just so out of it. Maybe I’ll just call this part 1 and edit this or create a part 2 at a future date. I’d like to know your stance on religion, your experience, your beliefs. I’m not here to judge you and your beliefs and i hope you’re not here to judge mine.

Good night,
-x