Saddle or Cowboy in A New Journey

Good Morning, Its Sunday and I have already showered and made me some breakfast for my self, as I am writing this I am eating and Dakota is sitting wagging her tail telling me she wants my bacon. She knows she is not suppose to BEG, so I do not reward her for that behavior, she is suppose to just ignore me when I am eating then I do reward her, I had always trained her to sit by the table and taught her manners around the table, she is good but there are times she does beg and then she will go for a time out.
Today I am going out to my ex fiance ranch to get my old saddles and horse stuff and take them to the girls (Bay and Abby) dads house. I am going to give them my brand new saddle that I bought several years ago and its still brand new as I have only used it very little time. At the time I bought the saddle I had been suffering a lot of pain back then and I had to suddenly stop riding, so I am going to give it to the girls as gifts and they have no clue about my plans for that. They horse at their dads so I want it to be a special gift to them. I know I will cry cuz they are already taking it hard that I will be leaving in 8 weeks. I have been there 2nd mom for 7 years and i am sad about my major changes but I must do it now. MY oldest daughter needs me and I need new changes.
SO any ways, I will go see Cowboy, Let me share a little about him some of you already know who he is, he was my fiance of 7 years, I met him when he was looking for a house cleaner so I was referred to him back in 2007 and I cleaned for him a month and then he finally had the nerve to ask me out and then with less a year I moved in with him, so we became engaged back in late 2008. Things were great for many years until my boys were growing up and his drinking started to get worse, he treated my boys differently, he mocked them daily especially towards to Rocket, just cuz he is Slow or dyslexia, and yes he was my baby. BUT his biggest mistake was being jealous of my relationships with my boys. I had told him from day one my boys are my main priority and they are my responsibilities. HE never liked it. I never asked him for money for my boys, but my boys did look up to him until he changed, Chef got tired of his mocking and he moved out and he has done great on his own since then, Rocket was treated like trash for 2 years and I finally made my stop to it 2 years ago, We had a huge argument over him thinking my son never doing his chores, Cowboy was never home and never saw him doing his chores, and Rocket was struggling with or needing a father figure. Rocket would hear Cowboy mocking my son during his drinking nights like saying “he isn’t going to be anybody” or he is so stupid he knows how to read and he is was faking his migraines to get my attention. When in all, all Cowboy wanted just me only as he finally admitted to me he never wanted the boys there all he wanted was just me, He was trying to ask me to let the boys go live with their real dad’s family.
That made me realize I had to put a stop to all his hate towards my boys, so I went into a women’s shelter and we never spoke for almost 9 months.
Now you are wondering why we are talking now, I will explain
He knew where I was living when I moved into my apt after being in the safe home for 4 months, so he came by and wanted us to talk. He knew he was in the wrong of what he did to me, he knew he hurt me badly, as I did love him dearly, but I was not going to allow a man try to tell me to let go of my kids when I already did that to my first 2 kids in my very first marriage. ( that is another entry).
So he wanted us to ask for forgiveness and it took me a while but I finally forgave him after several months of going thru therapy, he came to several of my therapy sessions. WE now can just be friends. BUT I can not live with him again as he is still drinking very heavy. I can’t stand it when he is DRUNK. SO we are just good friends.
So back to the real reason also why I am going to go see Cowboy, there is one thing I promised my bio dad that Cowboy and I would do for him is to drink one shot of Jack Daniel. SO I will go do that today. I do like Jack Daniel, do you want to know that last time I had a shot of Jack Daniel…IT was just 2 years ago when I went to see my bio Dad when his wife Died and he wanted me to have one shot. So he asked me to promise him once he goes to drink one for him and do it with Cowboy. So that will be done today while I also pick up my saddles for the girls.
I already miss my dad, i used to call him every Sundays just to talk to him and I realized this morning I can’t call him any more. SO I shall have a shot of Jack Daniel to honor his wishes.
I LOVE YOU DAD!
HAVE A HAPPY SUNDAY!