Here I am, all hepped up on goofballs and no place to go. No, honestly, I’m just hypercaffeinated and nicotined out, and I have a meager social life–which I am nonetheless grateful for–which leaves blank spaces within my days.
My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor advised me to read Step Six in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I read it, and found that I disagreed with some pretty important parts of it. I probably need to attend a meeting tonight, but there’s a Speaker Meeting at 8PM and I don’t think I’d like to stay out for the 10PM meeting.
I’d prefer not to just scribble illegibly in here. I would like for this to mean something and help people, if possible–those people including myself. My mind has been severely stretched and warped by drug and alcohol addictions, as well as perhaps by other factors including too much book learning. I am unintentionally ignorant of any certain way of unlearning certain precipitous ideas that may be doing me–and through me, others–harm, except perhaps prayer and meditation.
On the other hand, if I’m honest to a fault, I think the most natural state of this journal would be messy, convoluted, and repulsive. Maybe I can learn to adjust my thinking through the process of attempting to controvert those tendencies into something more “normal” or “healthy,” despite the fact that for quite some time I’ve been treating myself as though those attributes didn’t have any consensual definition.
‘Bye!
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