What is it that you see when you close your eyes?
Is it what you desire?
How do you determine if it’s what you truly want, and not yet another opportunity to learn what you don’t.
I often feel stuck in a constant state of contradiction between who i am, who i was, and whom it is i can become.
I hate. That’s a word i don’t often use. However i do hate.
I argue with myself regularly.
I don’t often know what words to choose.
Especially how to string them together in the form of sentences whilst speaking to others.
I appear shy, Timid, quite quiet.
In time I open much like the pages of a book. Slowly i become more comfortable. Perhaps that’s the wrong word.
Confident. I know you a little more. See, I feel that in order for me to express who it is that i am. I have to understand you. Everyone in this world is a piece of a very large puzzle. The more pieces I’m surrounded by the more difficult it is for me to fit.
I can’t help but to try. It’s a part of who i am. I wish i could accept that there are some that I’ll never be able to converge with.
I don’t know who i am. I don’t know who I’m becoming. I have no clue whom it is I’ll be.
Life and everything included is just one outrageously large library.
Each and everyone of us is the main character in our very own Stories.
We intertwine, interfere, intervene, and sometimes inadvertently.
I wish i could say that I’ve only positively effected the way others tales are told.
Unfortunately I’m not perfect.
I’m just as Chaotic and misunderstood as the rest of us.
Lost in a place that continues to try to define everything unknown.
Creates restrictions in hopes of “advancement” but in all reality its the pursuit of prediction.
To design a realm where they have control.
Everyone wants to control. We don’t have a choice. We want. We desire. We dream.
Some in my opinion should take time to consider.
To think of what and how they impact. Not just their story individually, but everyones.
But when is too much?
Have i held my words to long, too often.
Do i have an issue with expressing what i think, feel, and want.
I don’t even know.
When i close my eyes i know what i see. But is it possible for me to make that a reality without impairing others.
I may just be too considerate of others if that’s even possible. I think it’s funny that my problem seems to me to be that i don’t know if what i want is really what i want. I hope it is. But everything continues to change. Including me, what i see when i close my eyes and that’s ok.
I hope for an awful lot of things.
But again once its for something i think i Desire. I don’t want to be wrong. I’d like to be certain i can help as many people find the happy ending we’re all looking for.
Sometimes it just so happens we desire the same things.
How do we determine whats fair?
Who can say what any of us deserve?
What are we worthy of?
Should i be like everyone else and think for myself?
Should i allow greed to consume me as it has so many others?
How many developing stories do i have to destroy to only have the chance at something exciting?
I’ll End with this as I continue to struggle to a conclusion.
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