In the Waiting in Understanding the Unthinkable

  • April 30, 2017, 8:40 p.m.
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My brother was restless this morning, becoming agitated when they moved him from ICU to the pallative care floor. The noisy machines are off. He is on a saline drip and morphine. I don’t think he even knew I was there. It didn’t matter. I knew I was there. The morphine drip finally eased him by mid-afternoon and when we left around 7, he seemed peaceful. I kissed my dear brother on the forehead and told him I’d be back tomorrow. My husband and I are going up tomorrow, late afternoon/mid-day.

I brought the Book of Common Prayer I received upon confirmation in the Episcopal Church at age 13 (I’m now non-denominational). A year later my brother was confirmed and he got money instead of a prayer book. I was a bit miffed at the time (I didn’t get a choice), but here we are 51 years later, turning to the structure of our childhood. I kept it to one short prayer, since my brother and his family are not religious, but I did feel better about making sure it was done, even though I do not adhere to a structured format anymore.

We had an odd visit from a bizarre Chaplin who suggested he should have brought his guitar to sing us James Taylor songs. Then he started naming them: “Fire and Rain”, “Carolina in the morning”…After he left Bruce’s son looked at us and said, “I know you guys are religious, but Thank GOD he forgot the guitar!” We all burst out laughing and decided this will be the funny story that helps ease the sadness.

So there are lots of hugs and kisses and tears and more kisses and we’re just letting the love flow…even for crazy Chaplins.

I doubt I’ll catch up to replying to all your notes, but your comments and good wishes are dear to me. Thank you for your friendship. It means more than you know.

Love, Connie

WildflowerHeart April 30, 2017

{{{{{hugs}}}}} still praying for peace for all.

ConnieK WildflowerHeart ⋅ April 30, 2017

Thank you.

Shattered April 30, 2017

Sending lots of hugs and love to you and your family. Wishing your brother peace.

ConnieK Shattered ⋅ April 30, 2017

He's peaceful now and not in pain. That's what is important now.

GypsyWynd April 30, 2017

Praying for peace for all of you. "You've got a friend......."

ConnieK GypsyWynd ⋅ April 30, 2017

I know...who would sing that to a grieving family?

a mote, floating April 30, 2017

Wishing peace and comfort for you all.

ConnieK a mote, floating ⋅ April 30, 2017

Thank you, mote. I'm taking each hour as it comes.

Flyte May 01, 2017

Praying for you and your family.....especially for you.

ConnieK Flyte ⋅ May 03, 2017

Thanks o much, Flyte.

QueenSuzu May 01, 2017

I have no words to say but I am holding you in a big, long hug (I saw this entry after the one you added that he was gone)

ConnieK QueenSuzu ⋅ May 03, 2017


A Pedestrian Wandering May 01, 2017

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I am wishing you comfort and peace.

ConnieK A Pedestrian Wandering ⋅ May 03, 2017

Thank you. It is a huge loss to me.

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