Who? in Contusions.

Yesterday I was making a casting video and few snapshots for work. Looking through those videos and photos, I realised something: I don’t recognise myself.
Maybe that’s why I feel an unsettling sort of excitement when I look at photos and videos of myself. It’s unsettling because it makes me nervous, but then I also like it because in that moment the reality of who I am sinks in.
I just don’t feel like how I look.
Not that I feel uglier or prettier, taller or shorter, just… different.
Maybe that’s why I’m forever bumping into things. Maybe that’s why I have no sense of spacial awareness; I don’t know where my limbs begin or end, I don’t really feel my face or body doing anything intentional. I don’t feel me.
Every morning I’m surprised by what I see.
Like, oh?
That’s me?
Cool.

Last updated May 21, 2018