Feeling fed up again in The View from the Terrace

I’m feeling fed up again. Yesterday I woke at 6.30 with what I call a threating migraine, the kind that hasn’t developed yet into a full blown attack. Sometimes, if I catch them early I can take 2 cocodamol and go back to bed for an hour or two and it will go. I needed to go to the bathroom and when I got there I found one of the cats had done his business on my new bath mat. I only put it down the day before. It was a bright orange long pile, very pretty and, as we are going for a seaside theme, I thought it might suggest a beach. Perhaps Hoshiko, our fluffy white cat thought it was sand! I really don’t know what’s the matter with that cat. He always used to be clean but for the past 18 months or so he has been doing this now and then. There was a tray in the kitchen, he is just plain naughty.

I started to clean it up, then stepped back for a moment and trod on my husbands cord trousers that he had left on the floor after his bath the night before, they were soaked with pee. Oh well, serve him right for not putting them away. Then I heard Hoshiko downstairs meowing loudly and somehow it was all just too much. By then my head was really throbbing and I washed my hands and went back to the bedroom in tears. Hubby woke, cursed when I told him what had happened and dealt with it. but by then my head was a lost cause and I took my regular migraine pill.

That meant that I was still suffering the side effects in the evening and didn’t feel up to going to our folk club. It’s only once a month and I missed January too. At times like this I feel as though I am only half alive. Hubby went last night and came home full of tales about what a great evening it was and how they asked where I was, which is lovely but somehow made me feel even sadder. Monday evening he was at his choir practice and this morning he has gone to his art group. I don’t really have a social life any more apart from the folk club. There was going to be a party organised by the helpline I volunteer for but I heard yesterday that has been cancelled due to a lack of interest. I suppose the other volunteer’s lives are too full.

It was Hubby’s birthday last week. I got him a video he has been wanting and some chocolates. I shouldn’t give him chocolates really as his is so overweight, but I just didn’t know what else to buy him. He is such a hoarder and our house is so full that I don’t want to get him more clothes. He likes new clothes but never throws out the old ones. He will say ‘That jumper keeps me warm’ and I will point out that so do his newer jumpers and that old white one is now grey and has holes in it, but he will say he’ll keep it for the garden even though he has half a dozen others for that purpose.

It’s our wedding anniversary on Tuesday so I have to get him another gift and I just don’t know what to get. I have bought him everything over the years already. He’s not a jewellery man. I’ve already given him a box for his art things and a mini easel. I bought him a bag for his music which for some reason he uses for his art even though it has musical notes on it! I will have to think of something today or it won’t get here in time.

I have a duty at the helpline tomorrow. I haven’t done one since I went to the dentist at the end of January. Dental treatment has always triggered my migraines and having a tooth out left me with one for 5 days running. I had to take the denture out because it was making me feel ill then when I tried it again after 5 days I couldn’t get it in. Then got it stuck out of position and had a heck of a job getting it out again. I have early arthritis in my fingers and they are not very strong. I am now afraid to try putting it in again. To be honest just looking at it makes me feel a bit sick. I’m not sure why but seems to link to a childhood memory when my great aunt took her teeth out in front of me when I was small and it shocked me. I couldn’t understand why her teeth came out and mine didn’t and Mum told me it was because she had lost her natural ones because she was old. So I guess wearing this denture makes me feel old. It’s not just that, though, I would try to overcome that but I am really scared of it getting stuck again. Hubby thinks I should ring the dentist and talk to her but I feel an idiot so I am not wearing it. I am nervous of going to meet people I know, though as I feel self conscious. They can’t consider a bridge or an implant until it has healed, at least 3 months so I am stuck with it, or without it!

Well, some good news, I just had a phone call from the doctor’s pharmacy and they have got the other migraine meds in at last, the ones that melt in your mouth and leave me with less side effects. I think I will go and do some yoga and try to get myself in a better mood and then look for an anniversary present for Hubby.