i’m gazing into the blinds
from the prison of my couch
enveloped in shoegaze and sudafed
floating on the ether
seeking ether
imbibing ether
there’s apparently sunlight
and sunset
and so many more forms of
vibrancy
that are a foreign substance
to my soiled tendrils
how do people go outside
and see other people
and think,
yeah, this is normal
i can interact with you
and love you
and hate you
i see these people
and the crushing weight
of their existence
reminds me of my own
how do you live
when the rest
of the living
live better than you?
i thumb through my spotify
land on an eisley song
pull my comforter up to my chin
and let out another long,
discontented
agonized
sigh.
i’m running out of time
to run out of time
and i’m almost terrified
to find out what’s behind
the gears and faces
of my pocket watch
one day,
i’ll come to grips with you,
jesus,
buddha,
xenu,
whatever.
i’ll throw my chips
on one of your buttons
and “pray”
the roulette ball bounds
your way
‘
until then,
i’ll sit in mono sound,
listening to mono sound,
trying to stay perfectly still
in hopes that the world won’t notice
and will pass me by
for just one more day.
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