Weird in After all these years

I don’t really know what I was expecting re-establishing contact with him. When we spoke on voice, it was the first time in eight or nine months and he seemed like a different person. At some points, it was like we were picking up right where we left off and then at some points, I was just awkward and disappointed. I’m not still attracted to him in the same way that I used to be. I don’t really know what I feel. There is an urge to talk but I don’t want to be the first person to reach out. I feel like if he wants to talk to me, then he’ll talk to me. If he doesnt, then i’m better off just not chasing and not pushing. I don’t want to get back together but I’m not quite sure what my ‘end goal’ is. I guess closure, peace of mind.