Here Without You in General

Here Without You

My youngest sibling, my sister Deb just invited me out to the bowling alley where they are in the bar doing Karaoke. The last time I did Karaoke was on cruise in ‘99 when I spent a week hanging out with Larissa. Larissa Durandina. Russian expat in Pusan, Korea.

The song was “American Pie.” It is not a hard song to sing.

There is something lyrical about her name. Seven syllables. I can’t remember the names of most of my school mates, or squadron mates at this point. But I am pretty sure I will remember “Larissa Durandina” until I die. I didn’t fall in love with her, but I was a bit infatuated. We spent a week together, and yet never had sex. It was just a strangely comfortable situation. We would ride taxis from place to place with her leaning against me and my arm wrapped around her and me cupping her breast as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

The last night I almost missed movement. I overslept and managed to get a taxi to arrive beside the carrier just in time. Just as they were pulling the brow. If I had missed movement they would have had to fly me aboard. Huge embarrassment. And probably be put in hack.

I got to the top of the brow and the chief there gave me attitude until I pulled the one-two punch of whipping out my ID with the Battlegroup Staff Sticker. The get out of jail free card.

Sometimes it is good to work for the king.

We made plans to meet up in New England after Christmas. Her sister lived in Connecticut. Never panned out, she couldn’t get a visa because young pretty Russian girls have a tendency of disappearing into the ether once they make it stateside.

About seven years ago my parents got a call from a girl calling herself Larissa. She told dad she was in the states and wanted to find me. I did give her their number, and it hasn’t changed since 1979.

He told her he would do his best, but remained obtuse and vague. He called me with her number. I wrote it down and it stayed on my desk for a month. Until I fed that piece of paper into the shredder.

Some things are better as memories.

I tell myself that over and over again, when at this time of the year Audrey occupies all of my thoughts.

My thumb hovers over the dial button with Audrey’s number on the screen.

And I tell myself “don’t do it, don’t do it.”

I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it’s only you and me…

Last updated January 14, 2017