Today is one of those days that fuels that fire that everyone is sitting around in my future life, toasting marshmallows while I’m booked in a mental hospital somewhere. They’re discussing all of the moments they noticed leading up to that day that I just totally lost it and how they all knew I was on the edge of breaking the whole time.
“The day it happened, I asked her when she was finally going to get pregnant. I mean, they’d been married over a year, right? The look I got was murderous. I mean, geez! Chill out, woman!”
“Oh, I know. Just a few days before, everyone was asking her if she was pregnant when she came to work sick. Makes sense, right? You would have thought we were asking her if she had herpes!”
“Same kind of thing! I just asked her why they weren’t pregnant yet the other day. Don’t they want babies? She told me they have lots of unprotected sex and asked if I would like to know more about it. Awkward!”
I’m not going to take the time or energy to rant on how hurtful a lack of perspective can be. I’ll simply say, take the time to consider how your comments can be taken in a standardized range of life situations.
Let’s consider the comment “When are you going to have kids?!”
Standardized life situation number one: Not everyone WANTS kids. Some recent studies have shown that 41% of women * don’t want * children. You have an almost 50/50 chance of asking this question to someone who blatantly doesn’t want children. So, that’s awkward for everyone.
Standardized life situation number two: Some people have a real conflict in their relationship over that 41% from above…because maybe their partner is in the 59%. Now your “light hearted” question has just put you in the middle of a divorce-worthy conflict. Comfy?
Standardized life situation number three: Some people cry every day because this decision is out of their control. The doctors can help, but they can’t give a definite answer that it will work. Some people have to watch their friends get pregnant on their first “try” and witness the birth of their child before they have the faintest hint of a positive pregnancy test. Some people watch their friends get “accidentally” pregnant, when they have had sex upside down, backwards, and holding their breath to end up with that exact accident and failed over and over and over again. Some people would like to answer this question with “Yesterday, you piece of shit” but instead oblige with the obligatory smile and “Someday!”
Standardized life situation number four: Both people want kids and have a definite plan that they are happy to share with you in public. LUCKY YOU.
I currently live in situation 3, and am repeatedly impressed with the number of people who don’t realize how unlikely situation 4 actually is. I got to enjoy another of these lovely conversations today when my husband’s friend came to pick him up for a football game. He loudly exclaimed “Are you pregnant yet?! What’s going on, guys?! It’s been over a year, right? What’s the hold up?” Thankfully, my brother-in-law has been coached on this very situation, and came to my rescue saying “Give them a break, dude. They’re working on it! Let’s go!”
So after starting my day with a negative ovulation test that is already a week overdue, dealing with some issues that prove my husband’s testosterone levels aren’t rising as well as we’d thought (expletive deleted), finding out a friend of ours is “accidentally pregnant” on Facebook, being accosted by husband’s friend, turning on the TV to a movie involving teen pregnancy, and then going back to Facebook to find that I’ve been friends with a friend with an ADORABLE pregnant profile picture for 2 years....I’m quitting while I’m ahead. On to drink number 2, kids. Cheers.
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