Slowly moving forwards in It's a Suhaila!

I promise everyone here, I am still alive.

It’s been a difficult time for me at the moment - if all had gone as it should, I would have been off to university this week but with Jasmine that’s been put on hold. I’m trying to decide between going off to a uni next year, going somewhere close to home, or maybe even going through the Open University to gain a degree.

My sister went back last weekend, she’s into her final year of her BSc. It seems quiet without her here. And empty. Many is the time she’s been my voice of reason, my shoulder to lean on. When I’ve had a bad night or was struggling, she’d take Jasmine for a few hours and tell me to bugger off and have a nap.

Jasmine really likes flute music. When I play with her in front of me I notice her looking up at me while I play. I think it’s keeping her relaxed, but I don’t know, is it “Ooh I like this mummy” or is it “Mummy you have a strange growth under your nose” or “Mummy whatever you do please don’t play anything by One Direction.”

I haven’t heard from Daniel for a few weeks now and after what’s happened I don’t particularly care. Jamine’s father has been around a few times to see her, I leave them alone for a while when he does - after all the relationship there is father-daughter which is more important than me and him as I know there will never be an us.

Speaking of Jasmine, she’s just settled down for her nap, I was going to put some light music on in the background to try and soothe her - I have quite a bit of instrumental stuff that I like to listen to for relaxing. Can’t believe she’s 4 months old already though.

I miss my sister. I think Jasmine misses her too. Luckily I can talk to her over Skype, and last night made me smile when Jamine could hear Salena’s voice and was looking around for her and was “I can hear Auntie Salena but where is she?” kind of look on her face. I think if I move out from home in the near future I’d want to move in with Salena.

I’m getting there. Slowly but surely.