Struggling in The countdown begins

We had to put Molly to sleep Tuesday. We went from 3 dogs until August of 2014 to 2 until May of 2015 and then finally to 1 and now there are none. We lost all 3 dogs in the space of 2 years. I am bereft. Molly was my baby. She traveled from Seattle to here with us. She had just turned 15 last month. I know in dog years that’s old. The vet said her bones were very brittle.

Bless her heart, she was deaf but she was still feisty. My husband said her little heart kept beating for quite a while after being given the injection. A fighter till the end.

She outlived both of the boys and I never expected that to happen. I am lost without her. Our new normal is…weird. No noise, no padding of dog paws, no dog sitting at the bathroom door watching me while I get ready for work. I don’t know what to do without them.

Then to top off a tremendously already lousy week I found out today that our new office building will be ready on February 6th. The new building is nearly 20 miles further than I already commute. I leave at 6 in the morning as it is to get to my job. Coming home is a nightmare and can sometimes take 90 minutes or so because I have to travel the I-4 corridor. And there is a huge construction project going on that is set to last for several more years. Yes, YEARS.

I am not ready to retire even though I will be 66 in December. Whenever my husband says “when you retire” I always remind him that I’m not retiring - I’m losing my job. Because that’s the way I feel.

Up until today it was kind of abstract. I knew it was coming…and we’ve known about it for about 6 months or so. But there was no firm date. And when I heard that date today at lunch, well, my heart just sank. I felt like crying but I held it together until I started the long drive home.

I don’t want to stop working. I enjoy being in the workplace. I live closer to the attractions around south Orlando and most of the jobs here are service and retail jobs. I want to remain in an office but I’ve been scouring the job posting sights for quite a while now and I can’t find anything. Because we live in Florida, there are a lot of Spanish speaking people. You would be surprised how many jobs say that bi-lingual is a must.

So I am struggling. And as my co-workers get excited about moving into a new office, I am preparing to leave a job that I truly love doing. And I am trying to adjust to a quiet house with no fur-babies in it.