A year in review in 2014

What things did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?

Learnt to drive

Was asked to be a bridesmaid by someone outside of my family

Became a Godmother

Went to Seattle

Was a witness at a wedding and did a reading

Lived on my own

Owned a banana hanger

Commuted to work

Lived in Abergele

Was braver than I probably have been before

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I only made one resolution, to stop apologising and feeling bad for things that aren't my fault or are beyond my control. I think I did quite well. Certainly at the start of the year when I left Tom and was anxious and panicky I made a real effort to make sure I stuck with this. As the year has gone on I’ve been much more confident and this has been a bit less of an issue. Although I still feel it in my head quite a lot, that I’m responsible for things that, realistically, probably aren’t anything to do with me.

Last year was a special one so I made a resolution, but I don’t bother normally. I like to have goals I guess, or things I’d like to achieve for the year, and I do have things like that, but I don’t know that I really have resolutions. I’m definitely trying to be healthier this month though. I know it’s a cliché to do this in January but it is definitely required after the last few months (not just Christmas, I’ve been so bad since I moved!) and also its easier when everyone else is trying to be good too!!

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my friend Michelle had a little girl in November (but she did steal my favourite girl name so I was a bit gutted about that) but she is super cute and I got to see her just before Christmas.

Did anyone close to you die?

Jonathan’s dad died. It was weird because our relationship progressed quite quickly and has been quite intense but I hadn’t really met his family so I felt a bit awkward and stayed out of the way a bit on the day of the funeral, but it was so sad. I felt bad because he’d wanted to meet me and I never got chance. My Grandad’s brother also died. Grandad spoke at the funeral and made me laugh and cry and feel very aware of the fact he’s 72. His brother was the youngest of the 7 of them. He used to sing semi-professionally and would do a set at our mini festival every year, it was always a big hit with everyone. He will be really missed next year at my 30th. The funeral was epic. Massive, well attended, hugely drunken. There was an impromptu singalong at the wake, with guitars and everything. We don’t do funerals like normal families. Jonathan came to pick me up and was speechless, lol.

What countries did you visit?

I went to America and visited Seattle and Portland and went to Forks off of actual Twilight. I don’t think I went anywhere else abroad, but I did go to the Lake District and Penge.

What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

I’d like to feel a bit more secure in my job. Not that the job itself isn’t secure, it’s a 3 year contract which is the longest I’ve had since I started working life! But I don’t feel secure in it. I want more. But on the flipside of that, I am also hoping that 2014 is the year I get pregnant, so I don’t know how much career progression will happen.

What date(s) from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

So much has happened this year that the whole year will be a special one for me, but I’m not much for dates and anniversaries. I remember the first day of 2013 very clearly. Jonathan and I had our “first” kiss (first this time round, the first first kiss was over 11 years ago!) on December 30th 2012 but New Year’s Day still feels a bit of an anniversary to me. I remember him driving me back to Grandad’s house in the early afternoon and the song from Twilight came on the radio (A Thousand Years) and we went to the cinema and watched the Hobbit. And so it all began (again).

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Changing my life. Even though something happened with Jonathan at the very start of the year and me and Tom had split up I still had to go back and live in that flat and it would’ve been easy for me to just stay. He tried to convince me even then I was doing the wrong thing, he said he never thought I’d leave. But I did, even though he told me nobody else would ever love me. And I got my own flat and I lived on my own for the first time and I loved it, but I didn’t think I would ever let myself get into anything like that again. I didn’t think I would ever live with another man. I changed everything though, and I fell in love and I changed my job and I moved and everything is different now, and I’m pretty proud of how much I got through in a year.

What was your biggest failure?

I would’ve liked to have been more motivated and get more done in work. I am glad I made the changes I did but I worry how it will affect my future career.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I bruised my coccyx playing roller derby. I do not recommend it if you like being able to sit down without wanting to cry.

What was the best thing you bought?

I didn’t buy it, but the best money I spent was renting my own flat. I also bought some brilliant new roller skate wheels and a couple of lovely dresses. Oh and a Victoria Secret bra! I bought this in Seattle and OMG it is the comfiest most beautiful bra I ever owned. I have since bought 2 more. They’re a bit pricier than your average bra (but not by much!) and they’re so worth it.

Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Hayley, for being an absolute rock when quite frankly she had her own shit going on, Christina, Catriona, Kate and Emmy for being there even when they were far away and Jonathan, for making me feel like a whole new human.

Whose behaviour appalled you?

Tom, for ringing me and giving me abuse months after I’d left and telling me it was my fault he’d punched his friend. Vicky, for allowing people to believe Tom forced himself on her.

Where did most of your money go?

Rent, train tickets, car, petrol.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Christmas! I was really excited about waking up in my own house for the first time. I got excited about moving, and the prospect of being made lecturer, and all those things.

What song will always remind you of 2013?

Oh god there’s so many! 2013 was the year I rediscovered music again after so long of being a bit empty inside, it was lovely to rediscover it. Some favourites I think are

Time to Run – Lord Huron

New Ceremony – Dry The River

Box of Stones - Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Recovery – Frank Turner

The Way I Tend To Be – Frank Turner

Hey Ho – The Lumineers

Dead Born & Grown – The Staves

Things That Stop You Dreaming – Passenger

Royals – Lorde

Pompeii - Bastille

Compared to this time last year (2012), are you:

i. Happier or sadder? HAPPIER!!!

ii. Thinner or fatter? Slightly heavier

iii. Richer or poorer? Definitely poorer

What do you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I’d saved more money and spent more time with Orla and Hayley when I was in Cardiff

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worrying

How did you spend Christmas?

For the first time as a grown up I woke up in my house rather than that of a family member. It was lovely to have a relaxed Christmas where we got to do what we wanted instead of what other people wanted.

What did you get for Christmas this year?

I covered this in the last entry really, lots of lovely things like bath stuff and books and a lovely onesie but the present that meant the most was my lovely pair of earrings from Jonathan.

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2013?

I can’t think of anything specific but I probably got pretty flustered in a couple of work meetings where I didn’t know what was going or couldn’t explain my point to some old mad Professor.

Did you fall in love in 2013?

I really did!

How many one-night stands?

0

What was your favourite TV program?

The Great British Bake Off & Grey’s Anatomy

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

I wear a lot of leggings with skirts/dresses, and I wore quite a lot of hot pants both on and off the roller derby track. I suppose I wear quite a lot of 50s style stuff. Oh and I bought some whore shoes with Christina.

What kept you sane?

Jonathan, my Mum, my lovely friends, my gorgeous goddaughter and, oddly, my old boss Alastair.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope.

What was the best book you read in 2013?

I haven’t really read that many books this year. I actually can’t remember what I’ve read at all aside from the 50 Shades books! How terrible!!!

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Passenger, Bastille, Monsters and Men, Lord Huron and Benjamin Francis Leftwich

What did you want and get?

I wanted to be happy, and I definitely got that. I also wanted the job I am in, and I did get that even if I do worry if it was the right choice sometimes.

What did you want and not get?

I guess there was a bit of me that wanted Cardiff to get me a lectureship and be able to stay there, but it wasn’t 100% certain and I didn’t want to take the risk. It was lovely to have them really fight for me though, I felt loved and important.

What was your favourite film of this year?

Well I don’t know if it was my favourite but the most memorable was watching the first Hobbit movie on New Years Day

What did you do on your birthday, and howold were you?

I was 29 and I had a party in my lovely flat in Cardiff. I even wrote about it here! My friends came from all over and stayed in Cardiff and it was so lovely to see all the effort people made, especially after everything that had happened. It was a good birthday, definitely 

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I know it can’t buy happiness but money sure does make the other stuff come more easily. I’d have liked more of that, and more time to spend it with my friends. The other thing would’ve been a lectureship or more fulfilling job, or the ability to fold the map so I could have everything!

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I see people on the TV all the time and think, ‘phwoar’ and then when put on the spot I can never think of a single one. I think Ryan Reynolds is nice looking. And I like slightly odd people like Dara O’Briain and the headteacher from Educating Yorkshire, or Ross Noble and George Lamb. I dunno. I guess I’m not that fussed about one person in particular or I would remember!

Who did you miss?

I missed all my friends who live far away but I especially missed Hayley and Orla after leaving Cardiff.

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013?

Sometimes you have to just do stuff, make the best choice you can for who you are right now. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” ― Neil Gaiman, Coraline