Thoughts...realizations... in She tripped, and I was lost at sea.

The Ex and I got into a pretty bad argument via text today. Bad for us. We shouldn’t be having these, but I understand where they come from.

She told me she hates Her because She ruined our relationship. No, she did not.

She said, “Why did you want something from someone else? You could have told me harder…explained to me more…“

HOW could I have done that? She admitted she knew I wanted and needed more intimacy from her…yet, she wouldn’t change it. She wouldn’t work on it with me in counseling. Of course I couldn’t continue to stay in that relationship when it was like this for YEARS. What did she expect? I didn’t plan on this happening - nor did I plan to go down the path I did…however, I can say I tried. I really did try. I tried very, very hard. I just couldn’t try any more. I couldn’t yell any louder. I couldn’t do any more than I did…

…and now I’m better off - because I’m not in that relationship.

I can not be with someone that doesn’t love herself enough to want to be with me. If you don’t love yourself - I cannot expect you to love me, and I no longer do. I did, at once I did, but now I do not.

I want you to respect yourself enough to do what is right for you, and not just work at making ME happy first. I did that, for my Ex, for years, and look at where it landed me. In a divorce. I think we both thought we were doing what was right, but we were not, and now I’m really waking up and realizing where things went wrong.

I miss her, a lot. But, I do not miss the neglect, the accusations, the desire to be with her Ex that she always had…I do not miss those things, nor the mood swings, the anxiety, the depression, the addiction.

I lost myself. I’m finding myself again. I am coming back, bitches!