I’ve cried 3 times in the past 2 days. For someone like me, who hates to cry at all and hides it every time, that’s a lot.
I hate crying. It’s like the pit of all my emotions just boils over and there come the tears. I feel way too vulnerable and weak and almost all my emotions at the same time. My face usually hurts too bc my cheeks get red with blood and my nose automatically clogs up. I get a sinus headache too. You’d think my body wouldn’t like it so it never happens…yet, nope! my body it like
“PREGNANCY HORMONES = tears, lots of ‘em!!”
and of course, I’m like, really? that’s what you got for me? I’ve got no baby yet, I am seeing all our ‘extra’ money go down the drain as we prepare for babe buying stuff we don’t have, and of course my body feels like crap about 22/7. Heartburn, emotions flying like crazy, my patience is going far too quickly these days (my poor kids!), pain in my abdomen, lower back and lower belly, tired all the time.... and lets add crying to the mix!
My husband isn’t home very much. I knew this would happen but I also knew I was going to hate it. He is my best friend, and these days my only friend. (my friend here just took on more hours at work so I hardly ever see her. and let’s be real, she’s my only friend that is outside my family close enough to visit) anyway, I really need a friend when going thru so much. Both my friends just happen to be too busy for me and my complaints.
So, all day, mostly just pushing along, trying not to feel sorry for myself and failing. I am with Teagan all day, which is nice and all, but there’s no real conversations there. Then when my kids get home, it seems more like me trying to get them to do their homework and chores without chewing their heads off (remember the low patience? yeah, my kids sure remember)
It seems like they whine a lot lately. Of course my lousy mood isn’t setting a good example for them either....
I’m really struggling to hang in there some days.... the baby kicking me is a good thing. My doc says as much as I hate it, it is a good sign. He kicks me during the day, sure, but every night for a good 30-60 minutes he kicks and moves non-stop.
This I cannot handle!Being bruised from the inside is one of the most jolting, un-ignorable, helpless feelings in the world. And if you think I might be exaggerating about being bruised from the inside - I have pained, stretched, pulled muscles in my abs. This baby moves so much and sometimes so suddenly that he pulls my muscles! I am sore for days afterwards.
It’s like when you run too much and pull a leg muscle, only more like using your abs in the gym too much so you’re soar for days. Plus some muscles are far more pinpointed RIPS, rather than stretches or pulled muscles. I am just super soar by the end of the day, all I want to do is sleep. I think that’s why it’s so aggravating that that is the time of day my babe wants to show off his dance moves. I can literally find NO good comfortable sleep positions. No matter which side, he’s always proving he’s wide awake and running a marathon, auditioning for a dance crew, or playing football. Who knows why he moves so much but Teagan was this way too.
i read today that some new studies show pregnant women taking Tylenol can cause hyperactivity in kids later on in life. This tore me up. I was like, oh really? Well what am I supposed to do while I’m pregnant have a migraine? Live through it without doing anything? Drive my family crazy and feel like dying? nope. Plus, how do they know?
I was thinking to myself, I’d rather take meds to get rid of lots of pain during pregnancy and then deal with the repercussions later in life with hyper kids. But then I was like, wait, I shouldn’t have to choose!!!!!! lame on!
Whatevs. I don’t take any meds while pregnant very often anyway. I use head ache meds sparingly anyway, never mind being pregnant.
Speaking of meds, mine are okay..... not great. Some times when I get depressed, I get these disturbing images in my head of ppl beating my head with bats, or cutting my throat. Real sweet, huh? I know it’s just some stupid chemical imbalance and dumb brain reactions but really? Like anyone needs these images, nevermind a pregnant woman. But I was expecting this. I have depression normally, so given all the hormones from being preggos, I knew this was going to be hard. pregnancy has never been easy for me.
I also knew I was going to be complaining a lot so you can’t say I haven’t warned you in the past. lol, if you’re still reading this, congratulations on being awesome! and tolerant!
Anyway, being miserable makes me only appreciate my kids even more. Even tho they drive me crazy more quickly now in days, I also see so much good in them. Teagan will randomly tell me he loves me, which coming from a sweet three year old, batting his huge lashes at you, is so super cute! He gives his hugs and kisses freely.
Plus husband is trying to find the humor in everyday situations. I am super serious when I run out of patience, am in pain, or am having an off day. Since that seems for too often now, it is a good thing that husband find the humor even more so when I’m the Serious Sally mom in the room.
He often makes Teagan laugh by pretend chasing him around the house with treats of tickling, making Teagan giggle his adorable 3 yo laugh. That laugh is sssssooooo contagious. I LOVE it! Just hearing him laugh gets me in a better mood instantly.
Changing the subject tho, I am getting agrivated by our dog(s). We’ve had Sophie for what seems like forever now and usually all is well with her. We got Romeo, a maltese lover, not too long ago. He came with TONS of fleas. We have not been able to get rid of them. flea baths, cleaning the carpets and sheets often, seeding/spraying the back yard, flea drops monthly = nothing works! I am so out of patience! The only other option I know of is the pill that the dog eats to remove fleas. I don’t know if he’s big enough tho… He’s a full grown maltese but weighs less than 20 pounds. I guess we’ll find out soon tho.
Other than the fleas being irritating to this preggo momma of 3, I am also a lil ticked that he is going to cost us an arm and leg and isn’t really doing much to make the family happy except playing with Sophie.
This dog is more of a chore, and a bill really, than anything else. He scratches the kids, on accident of course. He doesn’t let us know when he has to go outside so we are just constantly letting him in and out, in and out. He barks at everything outside! He will run off if he can, he doesn’t know about cars and roads so he runs into the roads whenever! He is cute.... there’s that.... but not cute enough to sleep in our bed since he has fleas.... so I can’t cuddle with him even tho he is small.... and he is also not neutered yet. We will have to pay for that, which I don’t mind in the long run, but I am hoping it will calm his need to 1. hump ppl (yup, he humps my kids legs - joy!) and 2. chew everything he finds on the floor. He chews toys and pencils mostly. but neutering him will cure those things…right? I am praying so, bc he is just a pain if those things don’t get resolved. I feel horrible for saying those things since he is mostly a cute, little good dog, but really? I want a cuddle buddy. Not another bill to pay, reason to work harder and comfort my kids more often when they’re scratched by accident.
paying for monthly pills for both my dogs now for the flea prevention, and for him to get neutered, plus he has ear problems, = not cheap. I am really hoping it is all worth is. Can he be like an angel when he is finally all taken care of? please?
Not too much else going down lately. I can’t believe I have 2 and a half more months of this pregnancy. It seems like forever!!
Speaking of which, be prepared for more complaining to come in my next entry....and maybe more after he’s born too. hehe, sounds awful I know, but where else am I gonna vent? and if you’re saintly enough to read this despite the constant downer-ness of this entry, good for you! oh well, it’ll be fine. All things balance out in the end. The rest of this year is going to be hard but there is light in the thought of next year. I’ll make it there, some way, some how. Bare with me till then and then I’ll be back to my normal mommish self.
Stay awesome y’all! -me
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