Believing In My Self Worth in I Need A New Job

It’s August.
I should be back to work.
I’m not.
How I feel about it is mixed.

I called, talked to Buzz about my return. I told him that for the first four weeks at least, I could only work two days a week due to child care issues. I told him it should be better, and I’d be able to do a full week after that, but if something came up I’d let him know as soon as possible.

They are in desperate need. Not only has the company gone to absolute hell since I left, but recently two employees quit.

Then I did something that has shocked just about everybody that I have told: I asked for a raise.

Me: I’m not concerned about what has been going on up there, I’m concerned about my own worth.
Buzz: What do you mean?
Me: I don’t think I should be making the same amount as everybody else.
Buzz: You don’t. You make $1.75 more.
Me: Not to what I’ve been told by others.
Buzz: Night shift makes…
Me: I know what night shift makes, because I made the same amount on the weekends, when I still did more work than anybody else.
Buzz: Well 1Up does the work she didn’t do before. She knows it’s her job to do it.
Me: I know I’m a better employee than she is.
Buzz: If she found out that you made more than her but were doing the same job.
Me: Who would tell her? I wouldn’t.
Buzz: It would fuel the fires that…
Me: You know I’m a better employee than her. How many complaints have you EVER had about me?
Buzz: I know you’re better.
Me: Then I just want to be appreciated for the job that I do.
Buzz: Well I have to talk to the others about it.
Me: I understand.
Buzz: I’ll get back to you on that.
Me: And my start date?
Buzz: Yes.
Me: Okay. Thank you.

And I still haven’t heard from him.

I may have lost my job, over asking for a raise that I more than deserve.
So I guess I may really need a new job.