Fromage, not Farage! in Brexistential Breakdowns

(You will never know how difficult it was to choose between that, and “Never gonna give EU up”)

I’ll hold my hands up and happily admit to being wrong: the Labour party’s act of seppuku wasn’t reported on anywhere near as much as I’d thought it would be, and that’s mostly thanks to the first session of the European Parliament since the referendum. As utterly ridiculous as it sounds, Nigel Farage is an MEP - a Member of the European Parliament - and his job is to represent the UK in the European Parliament. This fucker has a seat in our name, and today he was there; a bit of a change for Nigel, who has by far the worst voting record of any of the 746 MEPs. Farage has been in the news far too much recently, but today, post-referendum, it was going to be about nothing else.

That’s not to say Labour’s literal gutting, Cameron’s awkward dinner date or any of the other tensions that are still flowing through the country like that river of slime in Ghostbusters 2 didn’t make the news, but let’s be honest, opening with “You all laughed at me! Well, who’s laughing now?” is a stunningly effective way of securing top billing on the hourly updates. Alright, technically his opening shot was heckling Jean-Claude Juncker as he spoke, prompting him to ask “Why are you still here?“, but still… About three minutes into his speech, Nigel says “But what I would like to see is a grown up and sensible attitude to how we negotiate a different relationship,” a request that one would consider reasonable had the very next sentence out of his mouth not been “Now, I know that virtually none of you have ever done a proper job in your lives”.

These comments earned him rebuke from the fucking President of the EU Martin Schulz, who told him “you can’t really say that”, but even Schulz couldn’t resist a dig; appealing for calm from the MEPs loudly protesting against Farage’s comments, he told them “I understand you’re getting emotional, but you’re acting like UKIP normally does in this chamber”, which is not quite the sickest burn in recorded history, but there’s something so endearing about it that I can’t help but be charmed. The six-minute long debacle that was Nigel Farage’s speech also gave us one of the stronger contenders for “image of the year” thanks to the bloke in seat 123:

EU Commissioner for Health and Food Safety (and former heart surgeon) Vytenis Andriukaitis there, exhibiting the textbook response to a Farage speech. Though it can at times seem almost farcical, it’s worth bearing in mind that this was a highly charged and impassioned debate; some MEPs calling for the UK to invoke Article 50 straight away, others raising concerns that the fact that fragmentation of the EU is now possible, though for sure most of the comment and criticism was thrown (rightfully) at Farage, with former Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt being particularly brutal:

Not everything in the chambers was terrible though: SNP MEP Alyn Smith’s speech had a decidedly different tone, and the result was the most beautiful moment of the year.

I struggle to find the words to describe just how amazing that sight is.

This wasn’t the only thing going on in Europe though, elsewhere in the Union David Cameron was meeting with other European leaders in a summit to try to sketch out a vague plan of what to do next. German Chancellor Angela Merkel took the opportunity to remind Cameron that we have to accept free movement if we want single market access, but since all parties agree that absolutely nothing happens until the UK invokes Article 50, and all accept that this will be the responsibility of whoever succeeds Cameron, it ultimately looks like we’re staring at very little happening until September. Cameron at least is acknowledging that immigration is what really fucked up his campaign, and admits it’s going to be a major sticking point in future negotiations, but in the light of that Guardian comment that we’re all still talking about, he’s probably laughing himself stupid inside because it’s not going to be his problem.

Somewhat-related, the subject of Article 50 has started to be discussed more, as it’s been pointed out that nobody can start proceedings until Parliament authorises them to do so. There’s a much more in-depth legal analysis here but the ultimate point is that MPs have to debate beginning Article 50 and pass the motion with a Parliamentary majority before anyone can approach the EU and tell them we’re doing it. We’re a parliamentary democracy, and the referendum wasn’t legally binding, so essentially enough cross-party MPs can vote the motion down if they feel it’s in the best interest of the country to do so, and I never thought I’d find myself ever wanting Parliament to ignore the will of the people, but here we are.

God I hope that pans out. I’ll be watching how this one’s debated, though I’m finding it hard to be realistically hopeful about anything that looks like it could save us from this waking nightmare. There is little positive in UK politics right now…

BONG!

Labour hangs, draws and quarters itself as Jeremy Corbyn loses the vote of no confidence, with 172 MPs voting against him. It’s tricky to explain why this is happening, but national treasure and living saint Another Angry Voice wrote this fantastic appraisal of the situation, and this Independent article has a decent list of some of the more notable incidents during Jeremy Corbyn’s 9 month long leadership, which should give you some idea of how much of a storm Jeremy’s had to weather. Corbyn, in response to the vote, continues to tell the PLP “STFU” and insists he’s not going anywhere, with some pointing out he might be difficult to get rid of in the first place. Indeed, one highly likely outcome might end up utterly decimating the remaining Blairites in the PLP, an outcome I want so badly I can’t put into words just how quickly I would turn to murder if it would secure that result.

The PLP, sadly, aren’t the type to go gently into that good night, so this one’s going to be painful, either way…

BONG!

Riding the everything is terrible narrative hard into the ground, instances of hate crimes in the country show no sign of slowing down; as faith leaders across the UK unite in condemning the rise of xenophobia, the xenophobia continues to rise: examples from today include the firebombing of a Halal butcher’s shop in Walsall, a BBC reporter being called a racial slur in her home town, and this shocking footage of three youths hurling racist abuse at a man on a busy tram ride into Manchester.

The last one I’m especially uncomfortable with, because even though I live in Stockport, I’m born and bred Mancunian; it’s a city I love, a city that always feels like home, that for as long as I can remember has been the model of tolerance and acceptance, with a significant gay community and unfailing acceptance of any and all. It is a vibrant city, full of colour and energy, welcoming all no matter your race, gender, sexual orientation, regardless of disability, whatever subculture you want to be part of, Manchester loves you for it, and knows it is the richer for your presence. Stuff like this, fuck me man, it just shouldn’t happen on the way to fucking Market Street.

Fuck these guys.

BONG!

Channel 4 News streamed coverage of an impromptu protest outside Parliament, and it was fucking glorious, not only for the expected stumbles that all live broadcasts bring, such as this

fantastic display of how to do a piece to camera, but also an utter masterclass of unashamed broadcasting of profanity-ridden placards

and then there’s this fucking genius right here

and whoever directed the cameras deserves a fucking BAFTA for this, the most exquisitely-framed shot ever…

Right on the edge of the frame, fucking perfect. The crowd was also responsible for some amazing chants, including the one I shamelessly stole for this entry’s title, and another that’s the best example of subtle genius I’ve ever seen: “Eton Mess”.

I wish I’d come up with that, it’s so good.

BONG!

Brexit wipes out Trump and becomes the most popular name for diseases in Plague, Inc. a game which sees you controlling a bacteria/virus/fungus/etc and trying to infect and kill all of mankind. It’s a fucking awesome and frustratingly addictive game, I highly recommend it.

BONG!

Confirming what everybody already knows by now, a YouGov survey finds that the UK’s media is “the most right-wing” and “most biased” media in Europe.

Fucking.

Shock.

And speaking of…

BONG!

The Sun published this today:

The Sun.

The Sun.

The fucking Sun.

The fucking Sun from just two days ago:

The fucking Sun, of all people. The Murdoch-owned, Katie Hopkins-employing, lying about the Hillsborough disaster that ended 96 lives and never being sold in Liverpool again fucking Sun.

Fuck the Sun.

Seriously.

BONG!

And that’s everything that’s gone wrong today, really I can’t think of any better way to end an entry than on an honest and genuine plea, for all of us, to remember and keep with us during these dangerous and scary times these three simple words:

Fuck.

The.

Sun.

Last updated June 28, 2016