Cortisol in 2016

I had my ovaries drilled a week ago and was signed off work for 2 weeks. It’s now 1am and I’m lay in bed hyperventilating and crying about work stress.

We have this huge report to go to our project funded which was sent off in January. I’m the first project manager in our department to ever send it off on time. It caused me to become so anxious and stressed I genuinely thought I was losing my mind. I also developed alopecia which is only just starting to stop progressing. And the day I went on annual leave, the week before my operation on my ovaries, the report came back with reviewers comments (standard) with a month to respond and have it sent off again. With the annual leave and the sick it means I’m off for 3 of those weeks but hey, my boss is there, it’s his project, by the time I get back it should just be tying up loose ends right?

Except I started looking at it yesterday and not much has been done. So I worked like crazy for 2 days on it even though i feel like shit and I’m supposed to be resting and recovering. He hasn’t even replied to the email I’ve sent him and I just checked the calendar and apparently he won’t even be there all next week. So, I guess he’s just expecting me to do a months worth of work in a week when I’ve been off sick for 2 weeks?

On top of this there’s also another deadline the same day, also untouched.

So, yeah, I’m freaking out. And I don’t want to be freaking out because stress is just about the worst thing for me right now but what the fuck am I supposed to do? Obviously he thinks this is my job, so I have to do it and make myself sick again and probably ruin any chance of this operation actually working because I’ve ravaged my body with stress hormones that will just stop my ovulating anyway and make me bald. YAY.

I wish I could just not care. Why can’t I just not care?