* I wrote this and the next entry over a few days at work, so apologies if it seems disjointed! It's also kind of self-indulgent and whingey so feel free not to read!) *
I’ve left it so long before writing again! And the longer I leave it the more I put it off because there’s too much to catch up on! (I’m pretty sure all of my entries start like this!)
The Friday before last Paul and I both had the day off because we were both working on the Saturday. We decided to go to Bath for the day but ended up being quite lazy in the morning and didn’t leave until about 12.00 It was actually a really nice drive and we listened to Bastille’s album on the way which I love! We got there just before 2, found parking (which took forever and was crazy expensive) and then went straight for lunch at Prezzo. The one in Bath is really cool, it’s in a converted bridge type thing and the food was really good! After we’d eaten we hit the shops! I didn’t get much but it was nice to have a look around, it was really Christmassy! I got something from lush for Beth and a really cool t-shirt from one of the market stalls for Drew. Paul got his present for his Secret Santa, he had Rhian and he got her a load of rude stuff from Ann Summers! It was actually quite interesting being there with him because he wasn’t embarrassed at all which isn’t what I’m used to, despite Andrew always telling me I ‘wasn’t a sexual person’ he would have never gone in there, he would even ever buy condoms! I know it’s probably not great to compare but if I ever do, it just confirms how awesome Paul is! After we’d had a wander round the shops and the Christmas market, we had a shakeaway (double chocolate for him, oreo for me!) and then drove home.
When we got back we had a quick tidy up of the flat and then Drew and Robyn came round for spaghetti Bolognese and the walking dead mid-season finale! I had stupidly read a spoiler online, forgetting that the US are a week ahead of us so I knew what was going to happen, which was annoying but it was still awesome! I can’t wait for it to come back in Feb! It was nice to hang out with Drew and Robyn for a bit as well cos we hadn’t got to see them for ages!
On the Saturday Paul and I both had work and then Amy and Darren’s pre-Christmas Christmas meal straight after. We rocked up there with our Buck’s fizz in tow and chowed down on Amy’s tasty meal on a large piece of MDF they they’d laid on top of their tiny table! The meal was delicious and the company was fabulous! I was planning on having a few drinks but I got through a Bucks Fizz and a half and started to feel pretty down about myself so then I stopped drinking and felt better like half an hour later. Although I always feel pretty rubbish about myself lately (still getting fatter) drinking seems to bring it more to the forefront so I think I’m going to try and keep away from it until I have sorted myself out slightly (not sure how that will work on NYE!) It was a really nice evening though, we played a couple of games of Cranium (I managed to be on the winning team each time - yay!) and exchanged our (not-so)secret santa presents. At about 11ish Amy said she was tired so we got the hint and went home! It was a really lovely evening though!
^ ^ look how fat I am!
Sunday was a bit of a lazy day with dinner at my parents which was glorious! And Monday was a bit of a boring day of work and post-work tidying/cleaning.
On Tuesday after work I met up with Beth and Natalie, a girl we used to work with at Pizza Hut for a nandos and a catch up. I wasn’t originally invited but 2 girls dropped out so I was the replacement! I think that the reason that I don’t get invited is because Beth knows that I’m not supposed to be spending money but it may just be that I’m not as close to the Pizza Hut peeps as she is, they’re all a similar age and I’m a bit older so maybe that’s why, or perhaps it’s just because I’m super socially awkward! Anyway, it was really nice to be included and it was a really lovely meal, Natalie is the sweetest person ever and really funny so it was great to catch up with her and it was nice to spend some time with Beth too!
The night before I had tried to curl my hair overnight and it was an epic fail!! It was really satisfying to straighten it though!
On Wednesday Paul and I both had a half day at work (our ‘Christmas present’ from the company) so we went to Prezzo again for lunch (thanks tesco vouchers again!) and then went to see Frozen at the cinema, which I LOVED!!t was the first time I’d watched a Disney film at the cinema since I was little and it was SO good, I’d really recommend it, Paul loved it too!
On Thursday after work we had made plans to meet up Amy, Darren, Rhian, Dan and Christy for a panto in Poole, I had been really looking forward to it because I haven’t been to a panto since I was younger, but during the day at work I was feeling a bit rubbish and I ended up getting really down about something really stupid. When Paul first started working at my company I stupidly asked him which of the girls on his team he thought was the hottest. I was kind of surprised by his answer because she wouldn’t have been my first choice but she is really pretty… then their team got switched around and now they sit next to each other, they’re only 2 desk banks away from me so if I lean back in my seat I can see them and I hear Paul quite a lot because he’s quite loud. On Thursday evening I felt like all I could hear was the 2 of them laughing, Paul left an hour before me and came over to say goodbye and I asked him what had been so funny and he kind of brushed the question away. I got the gist that they were kind of flirting a bit. Which is fine, I always liked a bit of work banter, it’s just that before mine was with him! I honestly don’t mind but it just makes feel rubbish to have to hear it all the time and that afternoon when I was already feeling down about myself it made me feel really bad. It wouldn’t be as bad if I had someone on my team to banter with, at my old job it was always Paul and maybe Ryan a little bit but although I get on with my team at this job, there’s no one I’m super friendly with. I try not to show that it gets me down because I don’t want Paul to think that I’m annoyed with him because I know he’s not doing anything wrong. It all my issues that are causing me to feel that way more than the way he’s acting. I know that I have have issues around this kind of thing because both of the times (that I know about) that Andrew cheated it was with someone that he worked with. I don’t really think Paul would do something like that, but then I didn’t think that Andrew would either. I know me worrying about it and feeling down about it wouldn’t make a difference anyway but I can’t seem to stop it making me feel this way, especially because I am feeling so much more unattractive lately. So when I got home I moped around for the 45 minutes that I should have spent getting ready, couldn’t find anything to wear that looked remotely decent and ended up wearing what I’d worn to work and feeling pants about it. The annoying thing is that I know it is stupid to let this kind of thing get me so down so much but once I feel like that it’s so hard to snap myself out of it, in fact I usually can’t, even though I know I’m being stupid and that makes me feel even worse about myself! Even though I tried to hide it Paul could tell I was down and was asking if I was alright, at the panto he got me a bottle of water and some ice cream in the intermission. The panto did make me feel a bit better! It was Jack and the Beanstalk and the cast were all really good especially the baddie and we all got into shouting ‘boo’ and ‘hiss’ and ‘he’s behind you’ I did get a little pang of downess when Paul got embarrassed because he shouted when no one else was shouting and I turned to him to laugh about and he was already laughing about it with Christy on his other side. I KNOW I’m being ridiculous, I know! On the drive home Paul was talking to me about why I was feeling down, I was kind of skirting around it and saying I get frustrated with myself and that I clearly have issues left over from what happened with Andrew, I didn’t want to say anything really because I don’t want him to feel that he should have to change the way he behaves. But he said that he does try to be mindful of how I might be feeling and that he did worry about how he was talking and laughing with Laura. I did try and stress that I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong and that it was all my problem not his. I don’t know how that really came across, I’m not the most articulate! He did say that I don’t ever have anything to worry about because he really loves me and gave me a big hug which was nice. I do feel bad that he feels like he needs to watch how he behaves because none of it is his fault, I just need to sort my shiz out!
On Friday Paul and I got M&S 2 dine in for £10 and watched the Muppets Christmas Carol and then had some awesome bone-age
On Saturday Paul left early to spend the day with his friends and I had a bit of a lazy/tidying up day and then Paul came back in the evening and we had nachos and watched hook, we were both really tired though and struggling towards the end of the film so we had an early night! On Sunday morning we went to Paul’s and his mum made us all a cooked breakfast, we sat around and chatted for a bit and then Dawn cut Paul’s hair for him, he’s having it a bit longer on the top at the moment and I really like it! We ended up going back to mine for a bit of a nap before going round to Lynne and Mike’s for Natalie’s birthday tea. It was nice to see everyone and Layla absolutely loves Paul which is really cute!
So handsome!
The week before Christmas was fairly uneventful… I had my end of year review at work. It went well which was a relief! I was a bit worried because I knew my sickness was above what it should be for the year but luckily because all my other areas were good it didn’t make a difference!
On Friday I was on a late shift and gave myself too much to do in the morning, as well as having a bath shaving and trying to look decent for work. I didn’t have enough time and ended up getting out of the bath with about 10 minutes to go before I had to leave for work so I didn’t have time to dry my hair or put make up on. I am seriously rubbish at being a girl and it put me in a bit of a rubbish mood for the day. It’s so stupid because I know that that happens but I still don’t give myself enough time. In the evening Paul came over and we had pizza and watched Don Jon which I thought was really good!
On Saturday Paul and I ran around Poole in hideous weather trying to get our Christmas shopping done. In the evening we went to TGI Fridays for dinner, I had my first ever meal of ribs which was delicious and then we went to see Anchorman 2. I did enjoy it but I don’t know if I maybe wasn’t in the best mood to watch it? I think it only made me laugh out loud once! I am a little bit in love with Paul Rudd though!
On Sunday we did our last little bit of Christmas shopping and then spent most of the day wrapping presents! We went to mum’s for dinner and Beth gave me a sparkly red manicure for Christmas! On Monday Paul had the day off and I didn’t so he took my car to be MOT’d which was so awesome of him because I was really scared of having to take it myself. And it passed! It was crazily busy at work so when I got home all I wanted to do was have a bath and crash out. I got us Chinese to say thanks to Paul for taking my car for its MOT.
And then it was Christmas Eve!
(and here's some photos from the 1st of December when Paul and I decorated my flat and made a gingerbread house!)
loads of love hat xxx
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