catch up. in Tales of being me.

Today is just another day. I haven’t updated for over a year. Life certainly is different. I got engaged in April, just before my bday. It may be a litte quick, as it’s only been a year, but i think we just waited to find each other until our timing was right. Previously in my life, my timing was always terrible. I guess, now I know why.
Spiritually I’ve been slacking a little, usually practicing love and light, but the last couple months, i had definitely let the darkness slip back in by times. I think however this starts a brand new chapter. I feel it. It’s a good one. I deserve it.
Things with my fiance have been good. I mean obviously we have had our ups and down as every relationship does. I think we are in a great place right now. On sunday we had a wonderful evening of talking about the future and he said 3 things to me that made me cry and absolutely made me know that he most definitely is the one. 3 simple things … I love you, but what’s more I admire you… and I believe in you. They rocked my world and I can honestly say that I love him with all my heart.
Business is good, I have learned so much in the past year, and for now I am just taking things one step at a time. Great news today in the insurance industry with regards to marijuana. Something that I am currently conflicted on. I believe in Marijuana for healing. I know from experience that it can help with physical pain, ailments and i most certainly agree with using it medically. In my personal life though, I feel that I have been using it as a crutch, I’ve come to depend on it. I think now it’s time to change that, to give it up for a bit. I suffer from horrible nightmares and weird dreams, I’ve found that smoking a joint before I got to bed at night helps block those things from coming through. Not always but usually. It’s why I’ve never really attempted to quit before, but now it’s more than just a joint at night, and it’s affecting my business, and my focus. I went the whole Month of March without smoking though, so I know it’s something that I can do, I just have to focus on it, or not focus it on it maybe. We will see, but tomorrow I will smoke my last joint for what is hopefully awhile, until I can get my self sorted out anyways. I am going to talk to my doc about using it, once i try it to see if that will help anyways. … the research i’ve done tells me vivid dreams can be a side affect, so I don’t know if it will help, but at least it will be something to help me sleep anyways. I have been a marijuana smoker for 14 years, it’s time for a change.
There are kids in my life now, that’s a big reason why i want to stop, not because i think its wrong, i mean i think alcohol is worse for you than smoking a joint, but yet that is the norm… but i just want to be more focused on them… set a good example. they are still young so i don’t want them to find out that i smoke and think its okay, because at their age, it’s not. i didn’t start smoking until i was out of high school, had i started earlier, its quite possible i wouldn’t have graduated. I could definitely see it being a hindrance.
Anyways life is good, and I really just want to get back to writing but i have been blocking myself for a long time. I am going to try to start at least be consistent in writing once a week. I think the darkness has slipped in recently because i haven’t been using my creativity, hardly at all… time to let some stuff out, and prepare myself for the inevitable changes that are coming.
Life is good.
Spread love, my friends. There should be no place for hate in this world.

always,
with love and light <3