One of my friends from AOCS and flight school asked his friends on FB if they knew of a good dry cleaner in Pittsburg. He had spilled something on dress pants and needed to get them cleaned posthaste.
One of his friends responded with “You can always try Gobuy Newpants. I hear they are good.”
There is a misconception in the progressively disconnected from the military world that everyone in the military is a humorless, compliant drone. The truth is, the funniest people I have ever met were all veterans. The humorless, compliant drones I know are all liberal academics.
A high school friend, we’ll call him “John” because that is his name, is the most humorless human being I have ever met. He was my physics lab partner during our senior year in high school. He is a computer engineer, vegan, wackjob liberal. 35 years ago his concept of stress was not having a 4.0 GPA. This was so much a stressor that he actually had a nervous breakdown and had to take a year off. I mean, I love the guy. He basically adopted me as the new kid during our senior year of high school. But fuck. Your GPA can drive you off the rails?
Plus you were supposed to ask Karen to the prom, but you didn’t and I didn’t because your were supposed to. Asshole!
There is something about being on the edge of potential death that makes you find the silliest things hilarious. Every time I have almost died I found myself laughing and laughing at the smallest things. I suppose it has something to do with your body needing to do something with the adrenalin. You can’t kill something, you can’t break anything so you are stuck with laughing.
Similarly the best drivers I know all played sports. It gives you a perspective of what running full bull into a stationary object feels like at 15 MPH. Then you can extrapolate that out to 70 MPH and realize that perhaps it is in your best interest to not do that.
Pretty little self-absorbed girls who never played sports and spend most of their lives on snapchat and instagram are the worst drivers.
My nephew’s ex-wife is a gorgeous little young woman. She looks like Arianna Grande and I would totally fuck her if it wouldn’t be so weird. But go to her FB page and every single profile picture she has is her taking a selfie while driving. And since she has primary custody of my grand nephew it most likely means she is driving, taking selfies with the kid in the car.
Carly Lauren. California girl. Gun owner. Surfer. Complete hottie. The world, I know is not fair. Because there is no good reason that she can be that goddamn gorgeous!
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