Fine, Not Fine, Then Fine. Skip to end to read really important stuff please!! in Baddies

OK, so… I believe I last left yall, I’m sure, with visions of, well, not so great images of me trying to plug a hairbrush into a cellphone charger and whatnot. It’s all good, I can (somewhat) laugh about it now. I went thru a few days after I first came home, well, more like a week or so, where I was really still mad at Laura. I didn’t really wanna be around her, and tried to get out of the house as much as possible. Instead of sitting on the couch by her watching TV, I would sit in the computer chair which is across from her and watch from there, while going back and forth from doing that to jumping on and off FB and shit. So yea, things were strained. She didn’t pick up on it, but then again she did, and I would say I was just stressed, blah blah. Well, it all came to a head the nite I was about to leave to stay the nite at my Mom’s. I mentioned that I was still upset over something but that I didn’t wanna talk about it. She said we’re not supposed to keep secrets or something like that, and I said well, we have talked about this, so it’s not a secret, I just have to get over it. Then she got quiet and all mad-like. lol. She’s like, “Great, so I’m not allowed to be mad at my wife when she lies to me”. I was like, no, it’s not that, I just don’t wanna talk about it because I don’t wanna hear shit like what you just said! LOL. Finally I relented and said do you really wanna talk about it? She gave me a look and said YES!! lol. So I said we would talk when I called her later from my Mom’s. So we did, I told her that I know I did wrong and put her thru a lot that I shouldn’t have, but she had no idea what I was going thru. I felt all alone in that hospital, treated like I was crazy, scared, lonely, like she had abandoned me. I told her that is the closest I have ever come to suicide in my life. (the overdose when I was 13 doesn’t count, that was a pussy cry for help lol) She apologized and started telling me what she went thru and I reminded her that this was also why I didn’t wanna talk about it, because I didn’t want it to get turned around back to her. But in the end, we hashed it out and were great afterwards, like always. :) We have the best communications skills, I think, of any couple that I know personally, anyway. My Mom just does NOT get the whole, fighting/arguing is a good thing concept! lol.

So now I will cheat and do some statuses, a lot has happened since I got out and I really don’t feel like typing the bulk of it. lol

4/12 - The first time the babies came into the main living room with us, I got some amaaazing pics, this is Sebastian on left, Teddy on right:

Sweet little Daisy sweepin on Laura:

Mason sleepin on Laura:

~ Well, you can see by the date of this entry that I for one, haven’t written in a while, and two, didn’t even finish the one I was working on back then. I’m not even gonna bother with anything but status updates to get yall caught up since I just do not have the patience and/or the time this go round. LOL I don’t think I will be posting any more pics of the babies either, as Bob is no longer with us anymore as it is and the other ones will hopefully be joining him in finding great forever homes very soon!! OK -

4/12 - Is also the day our town was subjected to this little “innocent” gem on a church marque here locally. I get more and more atheist every day, I swear. LOL. Oh, well, not quite, there is our lord and her son the savior Amy Lee and Jack Lion! Hehehe..... SO CUTE! OK OK -

So, a girl who says she did not know me, but failed to realize I guess, my umm… name, (I actually know her well, practically have my whole life, as we grew up in the same apt. complex! lol) tried to explain what this passage actually means to christians as it pertains to them and the bible. I think she ended up only making it worse… LOL -

• Hi I don’t know you… But your post was shared by a mutual friend. And I tried to comment on it. However sense you and I are’t friends it would not let me. I just felt the need to share with you my take on the church post. I love Jesus… And the Bible is my favorite book . I love it..I know that sounds cheesy. But I do… Any how that quote is actually scripture

King James Bible
Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
What this is saying in my opinion. Is that women are not called to be preacher’s. Because of the lustful heart of men. When a woman is preaching…She is being looked upon different from a man. Bluntly spoken she has breast and other attractive parts. Basically an attractive woman can fool more men than not … In believing what she has to say… Weather its truth or not. Man of God is still a man in flesh… With lust his heart*

So, according to her, and the bible, women should just shut the hell up, and can never hope to get ahead in their church, because all of the men are perverts and would only be thinking about her in a sexual way. Hmm… yea, I can see that. Makes sense to me! The sad part is that I am actually not kidding. I wouldn’t want to be or advise any other woman to put herself in a position where she might get sexually assaulted. And where do most sexual assaults happen? Well, let me be clear, I do of course mean behind closed doors or pews or confessionals or wherever. The church. Nasty crap there… So yea, I get it. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it! And it still means that by putting that up they are setting women back. Steps off soap box because I don’t care anymore lol

4/20 -
Getting off the phone with your wife and crying because you are getting tired and missing her, knowing you will see her tomorrow, but you want to hug and kiss her now. That’s love. Or maybe, that’s over tiredness. LOL. Well, it’s at least love too, it’s definitely in there somewhere. heart emoticon
‪#‎sixteenyearsforthewin‬ ‪#‎damnwehavebeentogetherforever‬ ‪#‎donteverletanyonetellyouitsnotloveateighteen‬ ‪#‎wearesosickeningeveniwannapukesometimes‬ Lawl! Aiight, to bed with me… sleeping on a freaking loveseat because my Mom threw her full sized couch out today. It needed to go, but come on! I could bunk with my bro… but.... no. lol

4/20 - Later that day -
Aaand I’m compleeetely toothless! There ain’t not one damn tooth in this mouth o’ mine. LOL. I swear, that dentist (he’s an older man) must be verrry good at this, because he started and I heard one of them break and I thought, “Oh great, I’m gonna have to have surgery now.” and then not 5 minutes later he was like, OK all done! I ran my tongue across my gums and all I felt was holes. I was like “you pulled all of em that fast?” He laughed and said he’s had a lot of practice. Ha. I thought for sure with the way he was twisting and pulling my jaw/head back and forth that he was having lots of problems, but he said all 6 came out fine, with the exception of the one that has been hurting me a lot. Yea, go figure. Bastard tooth. But I am OK for now, my jaw is starting to hurt and my head hurts from it as well, but for now I feel like I have the world’s biggest lower lip and I am still numb. Please pray to Amy with me that it lasts as long as possible! Still have to go get my rx for my whopping 12 pain pills. I swear, this damn nazi state. Imma take Ibuprofen with them, I asked my GP to call me in some, so hopefully she will be nice and do that. I may be on here bitching later but for now, I feel just fine. Now if I could only drink something without spilling it…

4/21 -
OK, what the actual hell, world? I go to sleep and have to wake up, in pain, and be told one of the men from my childhood that I worshipped is gone? It was David Bowie for everyone else, but I saw Purple Rain IN theaters with my aunt Alisha when I was four freakin years old!!!! Dammit!!! I’m gonna go watch it now, and cry. And take lots of pain meds. Well, not lots but the right amount. LOL. My gums still hurt but my bro just brought me a Wendys frosty that I loooved. I can let cold stuff set ON my gums without it hurting! There is something to be said about this ZERO teeth thing. LOL. OK, Purple Rain. frown emoticon
‪#‎princeforever‬ ‪#‎mychildhoodisdead‬ ‪#‎purplerocks‬ ‪#‎longliveweirdsymbols‬

Yea, I told my Mom and Laura that now that Patrick Swayze and Prince are gone, there isn’t much left for me as far as people I loved from my childhood. But then I remembered Bette Midler. I was a huuuuge Beaches and her in general, fan. So she is not allowed to die now. lol

4/22 -
Just got back from the ER, fastest trip in and out ever! LOL. They gave me more pain meds and said I might have a dry socket or two. I have always got them with teeth extractions because I can’t just not smoke and I hate the feeling of gauze in my mouth. So, yea, I prolly caused it if I have one, but I am taking care of it. Dental clinic doc won’t be back in til Monday, so I guess I will be seeing them then, if my Mom doesn’t mind taking me. If anyone else wants to ride up to Molino (straight shot) lemme know. smile emoticon For now I am just happy to have my pain under control and not have to panic anymore. heart emoticon I got out of there so quickly, we made it to my fav. pharmacy before they closed at 7pm even! lol

Hehehe.... I <3 Him. :(

4/25 -
I am publicly denouncing my support and recommendation for Pro HELL (Pro Med) Dental in Cantonment/Molino! I have dry sockets, and called them on Friday to let them know that my pain meds were not going to last the weekend and could they help in any way. They advised me that the doc was already gone and would not be back until Monday, to call then and in the meantime, go to the ER, which I did. Now, they are treating me like I am some kind of criminal who must have PULLED all my blood clots out myself, downed my pain meds all at once, and “even IF I come in TOMORROW, there is no guarantee they will give me any more”!!! OMG I feel like I live in Soviet Russia right now! I did find a place that will let me go there and sit for Amy knows HOW long to be seen, but at least they say they will give me pain meds. I am just sooo very tired and fed up with all of this. I HATE these people. How can people in health care be sooo very uncaring and cruel? It wasn’t just what they said, it was the way they said it too, they were literally ganging up on me, over the phone! The woman I was talking to was repeating the words that the other girl was saying in the background, and I could hear her. I should have just said, yea, umm I heard her, you don’t have to repeat it. For SHAME, ProMed!!!!

Yea, that was not a fun time....

4/26 -
No status update, but I had my mind pretty well blown on this day, when I learned that there are some, not very many, but some - who cannot close their eyes and see a picture behind their eyes. They have no “mind’s eye”, and in fact, the guy writing the article I read, admitted that he had always thought that was just a saying of some sort. Mind. Blown. Well, his mind was blown as well, to learn that there are people, like most of the people in the world, who CAN do this. And that is what the article goes on to talk about, what he can and cannot see or experience, and FAQ’s from his family and friends once they learned of his weird condition. It is called Aphantasia. And it is sooo worth the read, I know you will go read it just because it is thatfreaking weird and awesome! Yall!! He doesn’t even dreeeeamm! Seriously, do yourself a favor and read it. I might actually copy and paste it for those who may have missed this entry a little later, it is THAT good. LOL… OK, here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/notes/blake-ross/aphantasia-how-it-feels-to-be-blind-in-your-mind/10156834777480504

4/28 - Apparently the day I actually started this entry, I was also a little peeved about the whole bathroom issue lol -
I’m tired of hearing and reading about bathrooms. I get, especially as a lesbian who has trans friends, why it’s important. But I have low tolerance for things being run into the ground. That is all.

And with just that status, a huge debate and then argument broke out in my home, forcing me to just go to bed. I think… unless I am remembering that particular fight wrong. Well anyway, I’ll let ya know when I come across it either way, but we did have a fight over this. Notice one of the very key and important. and almost first things I said in the status was that ”I GET IT”!!! lol. Well, what made this particular fight so bad as well as me so angry is that she kept repeating, “You just don’t get it!” LOL I kept lookin at her like WTF mate? HA. And eventually I had to be the bigger person and back down, because she wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind to be debating let alone arguing on the side of anything atm. I think that might have been when I said that’s it, I’m goin to bed, it’s not worth it! I don’t even wanna read about it anymore, let alone get into a fight with my wife about me not wanting to read about it!!! Me thinks that she was the one not getting this one. LOL. Anywhooo.... as usual, it was resolved, and she did apologize. ;)

4/30 - SO… I found out something ellllllse about myself today. I am old. I can no longer ride rides that go around in circles and they make me so dizzy, it feels like I am off in space or something. I got SO dizzy on this one little hot air balloon ride, that my Mom had to make sure I held on, and then helped me out of the thing. WOW. I am going to go home and take an old person’s nap now.... pshhh… and I was talking my MOM into it!!!

OK so this was the night we got into the huuuge fight and I went to sleep. I went with my Mom and step dad to this amusement park and she had been invited, but It all got messed up, I didn’t think we were going, etc, and long story short, I didn’t wake her up to go, i just told her that I was going. It was a big misunderstanding, and she ended up coming and cuddling with me in the bed and apologizing. :)

OK, if I dont’ get to why I am really here, I never will, and I am running out or time, so typos may be an issue, just deal with it. k, so this is the most important status right this MINUTE -

5/2 -

Just got off the phone with my lovely surgery scheduler Janette, and she was amazed that they had pushed my date back to come in for my re-check of a1c test and ultrasound. So she said, ignore them and keep your May 9th appt. to come in at 2. I will have the repeat sugar test then and hopefully if all goes well, I have a tentative surgery date for my hysterectomy of June 2nd!! I have to go to see Buckethead here in concert on the 31st with Laura LOL, so I told her anytime after that I am free! Soooo ready to get this over with. I have gotten worse and cannot enjoy life like I used to, if you know what I mean. frown emoticon It has been not fun! Lots of pain, so ready for this to be over!!

OK, so as yall know, the day HAS arriveddddd!!! I stayed the nite at my Moms last nite and am here now, my appt. is at 2pm. Its 1pm, so I need to really get a move on, but I reeeally need yall to send me good luck today, vibes, hell i dont even care if you pray for me! Lots of stuff happening in this appt. and i am soo nervous!! They are taking my blood to recheck my a1c to make sure my sugar levels are low enough.. I have to be at a 7.1 or lower. Did I do it? I feel like I did, but won’t know till the test comes back in like 7 days or so. They are also gonna ultrasound me to hopefully find out why it hurts too much for me to have sex at ALL right now. Yea, that has been realll fun. NOT. So, not looking forward to them stivkinhg that thing in me. Can i ask for pain meds? I dunno.... ok, i gotta go now, yall pleeease say a prayer or whatever you do for me!!!!!!!!!!!! I need this!!!!! And oh yea, I have to go see Buckethead here in concert rigth before, you read that rigth. LOL. More later, GTG! BYYYEEEEEEEEEEE love yall sooo much! <3 <3

Steph

Last updated May 09, 2016