I'm really starting to hate April in Safety Net

My birthday is this month. It should be a time for fun and celebration, right?

I’ve now lost all three of my grandfathers in the month of April. Almost exactly a year apart from each other too. 2014 was the year of a thousand losses (maybe a slight exaggeration) which kicked off with my mom’s dad on April 16. Capping off my year from hell (6 family members and a good friend) was my dad’s dad on April 27 of 2015. I was really hoping to make it a full year without losing anyone, but my mom’s stepdad passed a few days ago on the 5th.

I loved all of my grandfathers very much and for different reasons. While he was always grandpa to me, he was really more of a father to my brother and me. My dad wasn’t around much (still isn’t) and my grandpa just assumed the responsibility.

He married my grandma shortly after I turned five. I was a flower girl in their wedding with a nasty case of the chicken pox. I’m the polka dotted flower girl in all of their wedding photos. While he loved my brother and his other granddaughter very much (and all of the honorary grandkids… He was a mentor and role model to a lot of people), everyone knew I was his favorite. I’m the only one who ever got a car (I technically got two, but nobody seems to count my first one ;-) ). He used to joke since he got me a car when I graduated from college, he’d have to do something really spectacular when I graduated from grad school (which never happened) or got married (not looking too promising there either). Like maybe a house. He was joking, but he probably would have done it. He always felt guilty that he bought me a car and my brother didn’t get anything, but he also told me that he didn’t know what he could give my brother that would be of the equivalent value that the government wouldn’t squawk about (my brother had a neuromuscular disease and got government assistance with medical assistance. His money was watched very closely). I tried to talk about it with my brother once and I don’t remember the exact wording of what he said, but he basically said the same thing our grandpa said. He said he knew our grandpa loved him, but he couldn’t receive that kind of gift without the government having something to say about it.

With all of the family around the last few days, I’ve come to notice that they pretty much all view me as the spoiled little granddaughter. I managed to set a few straight just by reminding them of his personality and asking if they really thought he’d let me get a big head. Others that I know better I explained it a little better. I told them he may have spoiled me sometimes, but he was also like a father to me and he was a lot harder on me than he was on anyone else because of it (I also told them to check out my phone and Facebook. My friends and other family seem to be much more concerned with my well being since his passing than my father is. He posted two words on my Facebook so that the world can see he cares, but that’s all he’s said and I’m sure it’s all he will say. It’s also the first I’ve heard from him since Christmas). I finally told the rest of my family who thinks I’m some super liberal, anti-military, cop hating, freeloader that I strongly considered joining the military when I graduated high school (Free college? Travel the world? Hello?!) I was the granddaughter of a Marine (and a Navy mechanic, and there are a whole bunch more servicemen in my family). I was a senior in high school during 9/11. I have always been very proud of my country (even if I think some of the people running it are morons). They were all shocked of course. It was actually the recruiter I was talking to that talked me out of enlisting. We had been talking for months. It was a big decision for me. He ultimately convinced me that I needed to be nearer to my family to help my brother. He told me that I didn’t need to join the military to serve my country and that caring for my family was just as important as caring for my country. My grandpa was the only person that ever knew I was even considering joining and he completely accepted my decision. The Marine didn’t think I was being a freeloader, how could they? I told them how he’d always yelled like a drill sergeant when we were working on the farm if I wasn’t doing it the right way or wasn’t paying attention. They couldn’t believe it. They’d never heard him yell. My mom laughed. She’s heard him yell many times over the past 27 years. ;-) My cousin said she understood the eight bells ceremony a little better after I told her all of that. He died in a veterans’ hospital, so everything was done with ceremony. As they were taking him to the morgue with the flag draped over the gurney, the rang the bells. Everyone else in our little group had there heads bowed as they shuffled along the hall. Not me. I could hear him yelling, “Eyes front Marine!” in my ear, so I stood tall, refusing to let the tears in my eyes fall, keeping my eyes on the flag until the doors closed. I waited to fall apart until I was alone in my car.

I know we’re supposed to bury our grandparents. And our parents. It’s not supposed to be easy, I know. But we’re not supposed to lose them on the same day, right?

I’m waiting for my dad to get all bent out of shape. Someone asked me on Facebook if he was my grandpa (they knew he was related, but couldn’t remember how), and without thinking I said he was but he was really more like a father figure. Naturally my dad didn’t say anything to me about it, but my sister text me and said something about both of my sisters supporting me and that the truth hurts and it’s his own fault for never being around and to not worry about him right now. So I don’t know if he said something about it to them or if they’re just like me and preparing for it.