Never as bad as it seems in my life

My fear of being alone on my birthday is lessening the closer it gets. I know it’s just another day. I know it, yet I yearn to be cared about. I guess it’s what we all want deep down inside. I think getting involved with S was a mistake. Or maybe trying to stay involved has been. Separated men are not divorced. I hold no priority in his life. When we are together, he seems interested, but apart he is too busy…I know what I need to do, but feeling desired is such a rush. His body is delicious. His kisses are satisfying. Waking up next to him is heavenly. Walking away each time, leaving him in bed is not. I’m not even sure how I got here…