Day 68 in 2016
- March 16, 2016, 7:28 a.m.
- |
- Public
The doom is creeping in. It’s been a tough week. I’m emotional and hugely over sensitive. I’m trying to get back into roller derby but that in itself is tough, mentally and physically. It’s just a lot to process, putting yourself back out there, and also all the driving and the late nights and the physical exhaustion. Not to mention the constant self doubt.
I didn’t get offered the public health job anyway, so that dilemma didn’t really matter in the end. I felt ok about it though, I think it makes life a bit easier for now. It does mean I am back to not knowing if I’ll have a job come the end of the year but thats par for the course in academia. Don’t stay in school kids, it won’t help you!
Everyone is leaving work. It’s not a great atmosphere. Few shock departures. Could have done without that at the moment as my fragile brain is worrisome and panics about what it means for the future. Silly really, I’m sure the whole unit doesn’t hinge on one person, the future of the entire university certainly doesn’t. It’s rocked the boat though and is a bit shocking, it’s hard not to wonder about what will happen next.
I just don’t deal well with uncertainty. I want stability. I just want to know that everything will be ok. It’s the struggle with the kid thing. What if I can’t do it, what if I’m not cut out for it, what if I hate the baby for ruining my life and being a crying screaming sleep stealing ingrate? But, as with the job thing, may not be a dilemma I ever actually have to face.
Bomb Shell ⋅ March 16, 2016
I can see why you're worrying about things, sorry to hear you didn't get offered the job.
Don't force yourself to go skating if your heart isn't it or you'll end up resenting it. Could you take a back seat for now, do some NSOing or something? We're in the same tier this year and we'll be playing you at some point (not me personally, but I'll be there supporting), I'm hoping our paths will cross! :o)
Hypnotica Bomb Shell ⋅ March 16, 2016
I've taken some time out because I couldn't make training with work and also we lost our usual venue and its now a 45 minute drive to the new one :/ I need to get back into it again because I have had too many breaks from skating with moving from Cardiff and then the wedding and now this. I don't want to keep starting from scratch again. And I do want to skate, its just the logistics, and the fear again from being out of practice.
I don't skate with the A team so I won't be in those games, I may make it as a spectator at some point though!
history of love ⋅ March 16, 2016
I think everyone, or almost everyone struggles with the kid thing and how they'll cope before they have one. and then once they do for most, the kid yes screams and frustrates, and you cry in the toilet or in the corner or all the time but you LOVE.
sorry about the job but it also sounds like you're relieved too. I hate it when there is a situation at work where lots of people are leaving or unhappy. There's alot of that going around up here (with the oil)
x