Dream On in Navigating the Shadowlands

I’ve had two recent dreams lately that I need to process.

First one: I was in our church. We’ve been members of this church for nine years. About a year ago, my husband and I began to see some things that had changed at our church that we were not in agreement with. We don’t believe in just leaving when we disagree with something but to work it out. Especially since we’ve been members since we were first married, they’ve been there for us and seen us through the adoption of our two kids, my husband’s mental illness diagnoses (ADD and bi-polar), our almost financial ruin, bankruptcy and almost foreclosure and almost divorce and so on. My kids have friends there and many, many people in that church love and adore my girls.
So we’ve been praying and thinking about whether we should leave and find a new church home or stay and ride out these changes and voice our concerns when needed. They are not major doctrinal concerns so its not as if I’d be staying at a church teaching lies.

Anyway, in the dream I was at the church with the lady who runs the nursery and knows me and my kids well. There was a great song playing, a “dream” song that is not a real song, but was just made up by my mind in the dream, the song’s lyrics were “We can save your marriage!” over and over. In the dream I was filled with hope and joy.

Second dream: A few nights later I dreamed I was hanging out with a good friend of mine from almost 7 years ago who I’ve lost touch with. He was someone I worked with and he was like my work “brother.” There was never any romantic stuff between us. We were both married (happily) and just were good friends. I was never attracted to him sexually and vice versa. In the dream we were hanging out and just doing every day things. But there was such a sense of joy and happiness and being in love. In high school I had an extremely close friend named Ray who I WAS in love with and wanted to marry, but he was always strictly platonic and, in later life, seemed to struggle with his sexuality. With Ray our friendship was always so amazing, one of those rare ones where your hearts truly feel like one. In the dream I kept thinking to myself about this work friend: “He’s my new Ray!” and “This is what marriage is supposed to be like! This closeness and friendship and happiness.” In the dream we also were holding hands and falling in love.
I woke up kind of sad as my husband and I have been struggling for a few years…We’ve been married almost 10 and a half years and I love him as someone who’s been in my life for so long and as the father of my children…but we are struggling with enjoying each other and we are at a point where we’d rather hang out alone than with each other. So I woke up from this dream sad and longing for a marriage based on friendship and fun and actually enjoying being together and laughing together.
I am a scrapbooker and went to a scrapbooking event today and cried all the way there while thinking about this dream.

I will one day have to tell you all about a man I call “D2” as well....

Enough for now.

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Annie