Is it okay to judge someone who just died?
A lady in my MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) group just died of cancer. She has a husband and a daughter who just turned five. Grace's age. It's almost Christmas. It's one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever been personally connected to. Not that personally. It's a fairly large group, and I've only talked to her a handful of times. This isn't about me being sad for losing a friend. It's how horrible the situation is for a little girl and her dad.
Turns out she found out about her cancer quite a while ago. It was a very treatable kind of cancer. She just... let it go. It's super weird. And in fact, her husband didn't even know how serious it was until LAST WEEK. HOW? HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO YOUR FAMILY? I don't even know these people, and I'm furious on their behalf. I can't imagine how much that would complicate the grieving process. You're not just grieving; you now get to deal with bitterness and resentment, and your five-year-old daughter who thinks that mommy is coming back to life on Jesus' birthday (yes. yes, she thinks that, oh my gosh).
A few of us went to the house to clean it for him after she died. It wasn't gross or anything, but obviously there are some things you can't do around the house when you're dying of cancer. Let me tell you guys, if anything ever happens to Jeremy, me coming home to a clean house would be one of the best (and easiest, if there are a bunch of you) things you could ever do for me. Let it be known.
Anyway, my job was to rifle through all the paperwork out on the table. She'd gotten the job about a third of the way done before she died, and it was a mess. I figured I would be okay since I was probably the person who knew her the least, but I kept running across little crafts and drawings and cards from her daughter, and each and every one had me sobbing and snotting all over the place. I was a mess. It was an easy job, but by the time we were done I was completely exhausted. I don't like having emotions. It's hard.
But in the course of this organizing, I ran across probably ten different kinds of programs for things like "Think Yourself Well," and other mind over matter/positive energy stuff. I found receipts for some of these DVD or CD systems, and it was an insane amount of money. Please don't misunderstand. I've become pretty open-minded about alternative medicines (that happens when you live in Utah), and I think the brain has abilities we have only begun to understand, but WOMAN. You had CANCER. For YEARS. And you have a KID.
I can't even imagine how lost Grace would be without me, and I'm not even that great a mom. I would do anything to make sure she grows up with me in her life. Anything. If, for whatever reason, I thought I could be healed with alternative medicine, I would try that first and then move on to something else when that did not work. I would not just let myself die of a treatable illness.
I'm having a little trouble wrapping my head around this. My kids are probably confused because I keep hugging them and getting all serious and teary-eyed while staring fiercely into their eyes. They probably are not sure if I've just become more affectionate, or if I'm just going to eat them.
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