It's been forever...same story in QUOTIDIEN
- Jan. 17, 2016, 7:45 p.m.
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- Public
At the end of September, I jumped back into OKCupid to delete my account - done with the endless circle of meaningless connections. But just before doing so, I thought I’d check my messages. :shrug: I was curious.
He noted my account several times, commenting on my eyes - my smile. He began sharing about his life despite my having not responded to his efforts in weeks. There was a sweetness there that was almost completely foreign.
I responded - and since our first date, we’ve been inseparable. He has been ALL in. He includes my daughter in almost everything. He cooks for me, calling me to his place on my way home from work to pick up the meal he thought I might be too to prepare. He spoils us. He loves me. I love him.
On our first date, he told me that he’d put in for a job in San Diego…one that he could never pass up. The day after Christmas, he told me that he’d heard back from them. They wanted his resume, and he sent in. I was devasted, but stuck with the relationship because…because. Because!
The job in San Diego was filled, but they circulated his resume, and he was offered a job in Virginia. They offered him more than double his current salary. Coupled with his concern for future financial security, he accepted the offer and has to report for work on February 3rd.
I am torn between anger that he chose money over me, and understanding the desire to be out of debt. This is a prestigious job contracting with the Navy.
Long-distance relationship? “I’ll be able to afford to come visit. I’ll send for you…“
I’m confused. I’m hurting badly which, incidentally, I’m tired of doing. Many friends say to dump the man who would choose money over love. Others say I should make an attempt to stay with the man who follows the dictates of financial common sense.
Some say I should follow my heart. My heart is hurting - and is paying far too much mind to contradictory thoughts to be trusted.
Always Laughing ⋅ January 17, 2016
Caught you on the homepage aside from this decision has it been good for you? If yes I say give long distance a chance and see what happens. I know it sucks that he chose to take this job, but if he is thinking long term stability it might be the right choice for all of your futures. You will have to know what is right for you, but why give up without a fight especially if he is willing to try.
whowhatwhere ⋅ January 17, 2016
1st, I am happy to see an entry from you, it's been too long.
2nd, don't dump him right off the bat. He sounds like a great guy, and men think differently than women do. In his mind, getting this other job now allows him to provide better for you and your daughter. Now, I don't understand why he wouldn't discuss this with you beforehand, but that is a man for you.
Him saying, I'll send for you, is him assuming that you will drop everything right there to follow him. I am not sure what your feeling are with that.
Men can just be such idiots!
Deleted user ⋅ January 17, 2016
Maybe he will ask you to go there to be with him ?
Noodlebugs! ⋅ January 17, 2016
Ditto what who/what/where said....
We only know what you've told us. But, from that, my instinct tells me that you should not take it personally that he "chose money over you". You haven't been together all that long--and he did tell you from the gitgo that he might take a job away. If this wasn't you--what would you advise your friends and loved ones here?? I feel like, as always with love, if it's meant to be...it will be.
middle age pearl ⋅ January 18, 2016
Silent Echo/Quiet Storm ⋅ January 18, 2016
if this is right for both of you... you two will find a way to be together. you have my prayers that things work out in a way that everybody is happy. take care,
Dancing Queen ⋅ January 20, 2016
So the part of me that was raised in an alcoholic household doesn't give up on things easily and understands your frustration also the infutilty of the situation and the emotional effects that can have. There is a little part of me that wonders if he took this job with a future with you in mind as one thing I have learned about men is their innate need to make enough money to provide for their woman.
WhatDreamsMayCome ⋅ January 21, 2016
It is hard to underestimate a man's identifying with 'success' in his career. A longer term perspective is all too rare in this day and age. Cut him some slack. If the love is reciprocal it will work out. Sometimes it's just that @#^#$%^& timing issue! ;-)
Best wishes.
MJ's Page WhatDreamsMayCome ⋅ January 21, 2016
Thanks. Patience is a virtue, I s'pose. Besides....this guy is just as amazing as he thinks I am. We'll see how he handles a long distance relationship.
ODSago ⋅ January 30, 2016
ODSago ⋅ January 30, 2016
Happy that you are having this experience...have read on so know you had some answers that make things clearer. No advice. Just wish you well m