I've been falling into a rhythm with work and personal stuff. Life, really. I haven't written much except for one explosion of insight a few days ago. My days are filled with work, my evenings filled with cooling off/cooling down and talking with my girlfriend, who lives in Colorado (while I live in St. Louis).
My days off? I spend them cooling down more. It's starting to frustrate me. I spend so much time daydreaming about writing, accomplishing things, fulfilling my "art" interests, hobbies, etc, and when I get the day off, I spend it screwing around and playing video games. I don't enjoy the video games, really. I Love hanging out with my brothers, one of which is in college and the only way to hang out is, yes, video gaming. He's a good guy. But.
My apartment is still clean from when Aspen came over, an incredible time where we dove into each other and shared so much awesome. But that was three weeks ago.
I want to do more. But I'm stuck in a strange place where I just fill the time with… some strange kind of waiting.
I've also been drinking a lot more. And by "a lot more," I mean I'm drinking beer daily. I don't get trashed, or drunk, and most of the time, not even tipsy. But I think it might have an effect on my mindset when I DO get those days off, and it might also be effecting my mental state concerning everything in my life. Loneliness, motivation, doing stuff, whatever. I have a powerful need to do something, and I feel stuck.
Whatevs. We're doing date night tonight, wine and cheese, and I have some Two Buck Chuck for the occasion. I also bought a meat/cheese tray, some pepper Brie, and a little box of dates. I love dates. They're so good it hurts. My diabetes, that is! Zing.
I only work four days, and I have monday off, and I have done no Christmas shopping. I only want to buy for myself. Aspen wants Christmas Pajamas, but I think it might be too late for me to get her some. Heh. I have to dedicate some time.
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