To an Ex in Musings

(Note: I wrote this as a series of letters I’ve been writing in my written journal. I decided to share it here. And if you read me on OD you probably know who it’s written to and needless to say, I don’t plan to send it)

Dear Ex,
There’s times I’m indifferent about what happened. There’s times I even sort of giggle inwardly inspite of myself at some the the fun times we had. But there are times I’m so angry it burns me alive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m to blame too. I was stupid, naive, and I should’ve been stronger. But you knew. You knew that you had me wrapped around your finger. You knew I’d come when you called. You knew I was blindly in love with you and I was too dumb to see you took advantage of me for years.

I hope now that you have a daughter of your own, you can see how royally screwed up the whole thing was. I hope you can protect her from people like yourself.

When MY daughter is old enough she’s going to hear the story. Our story. The one I thought would end in happily ever after, but instead ended in pain and too many scars to count. I pray she’s lucky enough to find someone like her dad. I hope that she finds that person before she has to go through the pain and sting of love gone wrong, but chances are she won’t.

So I’ll use our story as a cautionary tale to teach her not to fall for someone who will only say “I love you” when no ones around. The kind who would use her for pleasure without thinking of the pain they were causing. The kind who would treat her like a burden instead of the unbelievable gift she is.

She doesn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve that. Seven years later and I’m able to say that with my head held high and no tears because I know it’s true.

-Me

P.S. Here’s to hoping you’ve grown up ALOT in the past seven years.