Breakthrough! May the Force be with you, Cowboy! in Just another day in Paradise...

  • Dec. 19, 2015, 4:43 a.m.
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Has anyone been watching Breakthrough on National Geographic?

Holy hell, I love this series. Such talented people behind it, namely Ron Howard. Tonight I finished the episode on water.

Did you realize there’s a town in California comprising over 550 homes that do not have usable fresh water?

Nothing to shower in. Nothing to clean dishes with. Nothing to drink..


California’s water supplies may be endangered in one calendar year.

Beyond that, estimates are in 30 years the world demand for water may exceed supplies by well over 50%.. what? How is this not the headline everyday?

The work Warka is doing in Africa to create clean water is incredible.

I listened to one of Joe Rogan’s podcasts today and he discussed Malaria being the most deadly disease of all-time. That actually Malaria is responsible for over 1/2 the deaths in human history.

What? Unreal.

Clean water and sanitation are not just third world nor stone age problems despite many American’s tailored views. It’s a legitimate and terrifying prospect.


Today is special to me for a couple of reasons.. the first being obviously the release of Star Wars as I’m sure you’re all aware. You can’t watch a commercial break without Subway, Verizon, Campbell’s soup, or any other major name brand being inundated with Jedi and Droid love. Crazzzzzy.

I grew up going to Star Trek conventions. Loved it. Still do.

However, I was always more a Star Wars kind of guy. More intense and intricate storytelling. It was always more substantive to me, from the perspective of the writing and the characters and the intrinsic human values. Star Trek, before the recent reboot, was always more altruistic and hopeful in its design.

Heck.. I’m still referred to as Obi by my younger brother. I have been since the middle of the 90’s.. my first online name was Obi-Wan.. it doesn’t even register on me when I answer to it until someone is around who doesn’t know me by that name. Ha.

My brother has worked the 6am shift this entire week and this weekend, but he’ll be off Monday and we’re planning to take in the movie then. I’m super beyond stoked to see it.. I read the a myriad of novels including Timonthy Zahn’s amazing trilogy that were supposed to be Episodes 7, 8 and 9.. according to George Lucas back then.

Obviously times do change.

I’m pretty adept at avoiding social media because of my love for my sports teams. Facebook and every other social media thing tells you the scores as soon as the games wrap up, so avoiding spoilers on Star Wars shouldn’t be much of an issue.

The other importance of today which goes well beyond a movie is today is Katrina’s birthday. So I wish you a most splendid of day to you, even though I understand it is a hard time to enjoy for you. We’ve been through almost everything haven’t we? And here we are. You will always be one of my very best friends. You will always mean the world to me. And you will always be the better writer between us. And somehow I love you anyway. And you and I both know I don’t use that word lightly. Has it really been nearly 11 years? Crazy.

And, yes, it isn’t lost on either of us that her name coincides with a certain monster of a storm that impacted my city in August of 2005…

I had just met her a few months earlier. When she heard the name of the storm she told me that I was doomed. I laughed. Guess she’s right sometimes, too. :P

This has been an awful year for me.

Worst year of my life. Hands down.

One of the very, very few bright spots within the darkness was being able to reconnect with you and be what we always were meant to be. And I think that is to be an instrument of love and learning within each other’s lives.

If you enjoy poetry and prose, then I highly recommend her writing here.

Also, wish her a happy birthday. She’ll be annoyed and likely not respond. Don’t be offended. She’d just mock you if she did anyways. (Wait, she’s nice to you and just mocks me, whaaaat…?)


I don’t feel the holidays.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, but I’m just.. I want this over.

I really want this year over with.

I want a new start. Fresh.

Without the burdens of all the mistakes and loss of this year. It’s been a terrible one, and I’ve not made it any better. I wish I had. I just.. failed a lot.

Mostly myself.

Recent news::

My aunt messaged me a couple days ago. My mom’s least favorite sister. She’s been kind to me since her passing. Reached out to me.

I don’t trust easily. At all.

I am naturally mistrustful.

Commitment, when I make it, is everything to me, but I am loathe to do so. I understand people and tendencies and I’ve been used and taken advantage of plenty. So I don’t know how to react.

She called tonight. I think she invited me and Thomas to a dinner.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to be family.

I should try. Maybe?

I don’t know. I’m scared, I guess.

I am very closed off. I have been for a long time, and when I thought I was coming out of that, I’m now decidedly back to not being open. I guess I had a date this week. She likes me. I know it. She was sweet. I’m just.. not there. Not checked in.

It’s hard to focus on someone when you’re still hurting inside over someone or something else. And you’re just rigid.

I’m often misunderstood.

I seem so open, free, and willing to love. I am. However, that doesn’t mean I’m easy, or that it’ll happen quickly, or that it’ll be everything that someone else can give. Layers of my commitment are just so.. steely. Sturdy. So completely sound. I can give layers and still have so many more to peel and such..

I’m rambling.

Other news, a former childhood friend is a raging alcoholic and was drinking a fifth a day and had other friends of mine stage an intervention.

After said intervention, another friend of mine mentioned he was tired of hiding it and admitted he’s a cross-dresser. He’s still into women, but he likes to wear their clothing. I guess ladies on FetLife have told him he makes a pretty woman.

Weird. I don’t care. It’s fine by me. I’ll still hug him and nothing like that bothers me. We’re all just people. Odd way to find out, though, isn’t it? Ha.

My friends before they told me this story tried to record my reaction. See, my reactions generally garner a lot of laughter and amusement – I’m pretty good at them. This one was.. haha they said genuinely priceless. I was told I should have my own YouTube channel. (Apparently the poetry videos don’t count. Whatevs!)

Another friend asked me if she bought me a sex toy for Christmas would I use it.. uhhhh, whaaaat? Isn’t that something a girlfriend should buy me? And since I am decidedly single and unattached.. I reinstate the previous whaaaat? Haha. I’ve never used a sex toy. I wouldn’t know where to begin. And uh, it’d be weird to get that from someone I wasn’t into who is involved with a friend.. Just strange!

I used to believe in happily ever after and that dreams come true and if you do things the right way you’ll be rewarded in the end.

I’ve spent much of my time lately contemplating who I used to be, and the things I am so thrilled I am no longer and the few things I wish I had held onto more. Life’s a journey and we only have a limited time.

I think love and life are intertwined. I’m never going to be anything less than genuine, and I know who I am will at times hurt, confuse, and bother.. but the goal is that we all find our paths through the truth of understanding and in the hopes of understanding the truth.

Top Chef this season has been awesome. Isaac is a chef from New Orleans and he’s hilarious so far. We’re all pretty much food addicts down here, and while Top Chef had a season based in New Orleans we didn’t represent well on the show. This year is different. Totally excited for his chances! I’ve been a Top Chef addict since the first season.. :)

I had to take Sam and Dean to the vet. It was.. beyond expensive. $700 later and they’re feeling better and Dean is so much happier. He had a myriad issues going on and the meds and tests weren’t cheap. I go to the best non-profit vet in the city of New Orleans. He was well taken care of.. I swung by my old home in Uptown New Orleans to see that.. well.. I’ll show you guys a photo I snapped of the place later.

Since I’m not sending out any Christmas cards nor celebrating it this year I may do a year in review photo entry. If so, I’ll share what I discovered.

Many of you will remember the house I lived in on Broadway in the photo! :)



Tomorrow night I cannot wait.

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone is far and away my favorite fighter. He’s also Steve’s right now, but he’s got a few others he loves almost as much.

Cowboy will take fights on short notice, no notice, on weight, catch-weight fights… whatever.

His motto is anyone, anywhere, and anytime.

He finally is fighting for the title tomorrow night live and free on Fox! I’m beyond thrilled!

Cowboy trains with Holly Holm among others. Holly just beat Ronda Rousey.. and for those who think Ronda acted like a jerk get a load of the new flavor which is Connor McGregor. Connor just knocked out the UFC Featherweight Champ (145 pounds) in Jose Aldo in 13 seconds last Saturday. I was posting on Instagram as the fight started and Aldo got knocked out. Sam, Steve, and I were like.. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Aldo had been the ONLY ever Featherweight Champ in the UFC.

Aldo had not lost in 10 years..

Crazy year for UFC and MMA in general..

Should Cowboy beat current champ Rafael Dos Anjos for the Lightweight Title (155 pounds) Saturday night Connor has said he plans to take his title and move up to Cowboy’s weight class and challenge Cowboy for his title. Holy shit.

Ultimate good guy versus bad guy. Connor’s from Ireland and while I love the bad guys, Connor’s just beyond disrespectful. He’s made a ton of money, but Cowboy is so genuine and sincere. He doesn’t know how to lie. I admire and find myself not just drawn to that quality but I find it within myself.

I’ll always be honest even if it gets me into trouble over being deceitful and skating..

Sincerity is everything to me.

I’ll leave you with some videos of Cowboy Cerrone..

Here are the “Fuck You” Leg Kicks that Cowboy delivered to Myles Jury who disrespected one of Cowboy Cerrone’s best friends and training partners in a previous fight::

“I don’t consider that a win. I’m upset with my performance. I’m going to go watch the tape and figure out what I need to do to capitalize if that happens again. I apologize to everyone that was watching.”

Cerrone doesn’t just blame himself, as he also blamed Jury for not showing up in the later rounds. He admits he was trying to punish “Fury” at the end of round three.

“Oh the FUCK YOU kicks? Yeah. That’s what that was. I was either trying to kick and break my leg or his. I was very upset.”

And here’s Connor McGregor the Irish phenom talking about Cowboy and possibly having two titles.. I want this fight to happen so badly!

That video if by far the most respectful I’ve ever heard Connor even as he says “I’ll just take the Lightweight belt and defend both..” haha so dismissive..

Hey, are there any Breakthrough fans? Any UFC fans? Any Top Chef fans out there? :)

Alright you crazy kids. Have a splendid night. Go make someone laugh, smile, and love life just a tiny bit more.. because that’s the power of hello and why goodbye is so tough!

May you always find your smile.

Jafael December 19, 2015

There is something about years that end in 5 that end up completely dreadful. All of them, bar none, are the worst years of my life. Seems like that way for you too. At least... I don't know, years that end in 6 are always so, so, so much better! maybe there is hope in that for you, based on my pattern.

LoveSuicide Jafael ⋅ December 19, 2015

This year is coming to a close in a decent way. I'm not trying to complain, I guess I'm just more excited right now for moving on from everything of this year into a different year next. :)

Jafael LoveSuicide ⋅ December 19, 2015

I'm completely with you on that feeling! In fact, just today I'm plotting if I can just start my New Year TODAY!

I need tea. December 19, 2015


Soulshine December 19, 2015

I've realized over time that the only permanent thing we have is family, so maybe give your aunt a shot!

LoveSuicide Soulshine ⋅ December 23, 2015

Thank you, darling.. I'm actually going to go to her Christmas party tomorrow night by myself since my brother is working. Pretty nervous which is unusual for me!

I hope all is well with the lovely lady?

Soulshine LoveSuicide ⋅ December 24, 2015

Is that me? :) Allllllllll is welll, lettttttt there be peace on eartttttthhhhhhh....

Hope it goes well!

LoveSuicide Soulshine ⋅ December 24, 2015

It went amazing! Like.. my jaw is on the floor!

You are very much a lovely lady! :)

All is well? That's all I get? nudges

Deleted user December 20, 2015

Obi was a fine man,. haha

LoveSuicide Deleted user ⋅ December 23, 2015


Calculated Chaos December 21, 2015

I would say give her a shot. I wish my mom's family would reach out to me. There is so much of her that I didn't know that only they do, but everyone is still too sad to talk about her. She may have been her least favorite, but she knew your mom. There is a piece of her within your aunt. Let her in a little and test the waters.

LoveSuicide Calculated Chaos ⋅ December 23, 2015

I'm going to tomorrow.

Calculated Chaos LoveSuicide ⋅ December 23, 2015

I hope it goes well!

LoveSuicide Calculated Chaos ⋅ December 23, 2015

Nervous as fuck.

Calculated Chaos LoveSuicide ⋅ December 23, 2015


LoveSuicide Calculated Chaos ⋅ December 23, 2015

I'm bringing peanut clusters. This bribe better work haha

Calculated Chaos LoveSuicide ⋅ December 23, 2015

Add bacon and it is guaranteed! Lol

LoveSuicide Calculated Chaos ⋅ December 23, 2015

They don't need bacon :P

Or Tequila!


Hope you have a great time. Hug Heather for me!

Calculated Chaos LoveSuicide ⋅ December 23, 2015

Fine. I will save the bacon and tequila for myself!

I plan on having a great time!

I will! :)

LoveSuicide Calculated Chaos ⋅ December 24, 2015

Awesome! Please do:)

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