The Worst in Stuff I Would Tell My Best Friend

Dear TC,

Hey twat face, how is it going? Oh you don’t have time for me? No biggie, I will just sit here and watch the world revolve around you. I see you had time to respond to one of your friends who professed her love to you on facebook. As long as it is all about you, you have time for people. Also saw the pics of your kids. Not going to lie to you, they are not as cute as you think they are. The one is still baby enough to be cute, but the toddler? Not so much. Nobody will ever tell you that though because even the slightest off handed comment not even remotely directed to you or your children would send you in to a paranoid shit storm like no other.

I am having quite my own day here. My head is fucking throbbing and when I went to get some pain relievers, I ended up having to do someone else’s job because neither that person nor their supervisor is here and nobody else who is in the vicinity will step in and help out. It was the same when you were working here. I use the term working lightly because you were not here that often and when you were I am fairly certain you were just online shopping. I sometimes wonder what kind of snow job you played on your new employer to make them think you know what the fuck you are doing. I remember having to teach you how to balance a checkbook and that was after you got your “degree”.

Oh, sent off a priority envelope to you with your presents. Enjoy them this year because next year…I am spending less on you and more on legitimate friends and family. Hope you guys have a Cracker Barrel close by.

In other news, some dude just dropped a wet bomb in the bathroom. Oh the joys of having an office not far from the bathrooms. I know everyone’s business. Well their bodily business anyways. I am a bit cranky again today. Probably because of this fucking headache (what some people would call a migraine. Wink Wink, pointing finger at you TC) and the fact that my document won’t fucking print one image set. I have to redo the whole fucking area and that pisses me off. It should be printing. Not that you could help because you know dick about any software program. Not even sure what day we are up to on your non response. At some point I had to give up because it was getting too hard to count that high and remember.

I hope you enjoy your holidays and may a billion spiders spill forth from your Christmas tree and next in your hair.

XoXo

~Me, your BFF!