Mediation Last Friday in Muddling Through As Best I Can

Well, last Friday Brandon and Jillian had mediation regarding Sienna and Raina. Sienna has gone to live full-time with Jesus and Katie and is doing well. We have been seeing her on average two or three times a week (she is coming over for the day tomorrow as a matter of fact). The court granted Pamala and us each one scheduled weekend a month and alternate holidays to begin in January. Pamala is having a fit because she knows Sienna is coming here every day or so with her dad and stepmother, but there is no legal recourse for her now where Sienna is concerned. I have spoken to Jesus and Katie and encouraged them to let Pamala have some time with her outside the court orders, but the ball is in their court. They feel like Pamala is reaping what she has sown.
With regards to Raina, they wanted to leave things as they are until she starts school in four years. Brandon had a slight meltdown and told them “no” due to Pamala’s unstable nature and home life. We all feel like that much time and influence would be detrimental to the baby. There are no plans to keep Raina from her, but her role should be as a grandmother only and not a decision maker. Based on past experience and extensive knowledge of her parenting skills, it’s best for all concerned, especially Raina. So, the end result is that we are to go to jury trial in April sometime. The attorneys are to start deposing witnesses sometime in March. The first among them will be her son and daughter in law and several ex-husbands. We also have numerous other of her family members wishing to testify on our behalf.
I’m hoping the expense of it all will convince her to give up on her ultimately hopeless cause and settle with us out of court. If she tries to go through with it, she will have to come up with around $15, 000.00 which I know she doesn’t have. We don’t either, but I can get it before trial.
She will be very publicly humiliated if we have to go through with it. Since I believe she should play a part in Raina and Sienna’s lives, I would prefer to avoid that if possible.
I have always encouraged my kids to know their biological families, even though in a couple of cases they were less than ideal role models. In Brandon and Bradley’s case, Kenneth died of a drug overdose without ever showing the slightest interest in either of them.
In Brian’s, his biological father shows little interest, but Brian has two younger sisters he has gotten to know well, as well as aunts, uncles, cousins, and his grandmother from El Salvador. He is close to all of them even if Jose does not want to pursue a relationship. You can never have too many people who love you, and I left it to the boys to grow up and realize which people were which.
Having raised them from near infancy, I was the day to day person they knew as “Dad” even before adoption took place, so I had no fear of losing them to their birth fathers. Jealousy is unproductive and I try to avoid it in all it’s forms.
At any rate, the point is; the girls should have a relationship with Pamala, and if she doesn’t change her selfish and manipulative ways, they will at some point realize it themselves.
Then it will be because they are old enough to see and she is too staid in her behavior to change, not because people were constantly criticizing their grandmother.
Honestly, I hope she accepts her role as doting grandmother and develops a healthy relationship with them so they have the best of all worlds, but only time will tell.