The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up in Magical Realism
- Nov. 17, 2015, 3:54 p.m.
- |
- Public
I’m in a funk and it’s lasted long enough that I think it needs to be documented. I gave myself a year of being gentle with myself, indulgent with myself, and now it’s past a year and I know what I need now is some tough love. I know the past year was a tough one, but I got through it and now I need to snap out of it.
It’s like the scar from my surgery. At first I was just so happy that it was something manageable, something I could cover. I got the bangs cut and the (huge, awful) wound started to heal. I was so happy to look normal and to be able to go about my “everyday” life. I got through the grueling work busy seasons, and a packed schedule of international travel and competitions, and the wound finally healed. I’ve grown out the bangs and now I’m an ordinary looking girl again, but now with an ugly scar. In this year I’ve had a lot of success, so many sparkling moments throughout, but have found it so hard getting through the “in-between” times. A person can endure anything except a succession of ordinary days, right?
So far I’ve had a good track record with the extraordinary days, but my ordinary days are generally failures. Too many mornings sleeping in and choosing a post-work HIIT and/or yoga class instead of swim team practice. Too many dinners of double-stuf oreos and a double shot of vodka. Too much time watching maudlin music videos online with a glass of wine. If I don’t plan anything at the weekends, I don’t leave the house. My closet is not organized. Too much online shopping. Too much drinking in general. After competitions especially, I like to reward myself and the reward always includes alcohol. I know I am obnoxious when I’m drunk, which isn’t cute. I feel pudgy and unfit and unorganized.
I’ve been so lucky to do so well in my first year of competition, but to truly hit the level I would like, I need to train. There is no excuse. I need to get my ass out of bed and to practice, at least 4 mornings a week. I need to continue yoga 3x a week. I need to focus on swim practice as my primary goal, but eventually want to add in HIIT classes too, maybe 2-3x a week. I have the time for this. I can do this. Just need to snap out of it and MAKE myself do it.
With a good baseline of speed training, I will be able to actually race in the cold water, not just coast like I’ve been doing. Looking at video of myself from this past weekend in Latvia, I’m embarassed. I did well but look like I am barely moving my arms. I can do better. I WILL do better. Consistent training needs to be paired with good nutrition, including moderation with food and alcohol. I need to organize my life and stop flying by the seat of my pants constantly. I need to get in swimming shape, clean up my nutrition, get in general shape, clean out my inbox, clean out my (literal) closets, and start racing fierce again. So much in this world is beyond our control, but I can control myself at least. Need to focus on something positive, and this is it.
Last updated November 17, 2015
dickson. ⋅ November 17, 2015
Jigger ⋅ November 17, 2015
Good to read this today.
Jeanine ⋅ November 17, 2015
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Starhawk ⋅ November 17, 2015
Do you have a coach? Sounds like you need someone to assist in kicking your ass a little bit.
Satine Starhawk ⋅ November 17, 2015
Yeah, we have coaches at practice which is why I need to go :)
Athena ⋅ November 17, 2015
i am right there with you
Deleted user ⋅ November 17, 2015
I have no doubt you will achieve this fiercely !!!
kmh. ⋅ November 17, 2015
Your determination will get you through :) xx
~Mrs. O~ ⋅ November 17, 2015
I had no idea you even relaxed. ;). Seriously though, it is good to have some downtime (mostly for the mental aspect of it).
You are the most driven, motivated, and hardworking person I "know." I have no doubt you will get to where you want to be.
sarahbaby. ⋅ November 17, 2015
You got this! You know you do!
plushcreep ⋅ November 17, 2015
"A person can endure anything except a succession of ordinary days, right?"
Hmm. Never thought of it that way...but you're right. The highs we embrace, the lows we get through, but the day-to-day stuff? Gets old awfully fast.
AlmostGenuine ⋅ November 18, 2015
Love to read this, and looking forward to reading more. I know you've got this. And when you are done, maybe you can come fix my life too? (j/k... i think i can do it myself)
You know, I can find the charm in an ordinary day... but you are completely right about a succession of them.
Analene ⋅ November 18, 2015
LotusButterfly ⋅ November 18, 2015
First step is the hardest one, don't be so hard on yourself. You have admitted to yourself what u have to do and that u need to get out of the funk- in which we are all entitled to fall into every now and then, and Lord knows with the year you've had it was understandable. Do what you need to fill your heart with that awesome vibe that distinguishes you, little by little! :)
hot-lips ⋅ November 18, 2015
You're entitled to have some downtime and be in a funk. But if it's time to get out and you recognise it, then it's like jumping in the deep end - sink or swim. You just have to make that start. Hopefully from then on, you'll get back into the routine. xx
hot-lips ⋅ November 18, 2015
Nothing wrong with watching music vids online with a glass of wine btw. lol Youtube is addictive. You only go to watch one song, 2 hours later - you've clicked on various random videos and discovered new songs from people you've never even heard of. ;) As you can see, I know a lot about the process. haha
pandora ⋅ November 18, 2015
You being gentle on yourself is like me deciding to try to be superwoman!
I hope your funk is lifting. xo
rubix cube ⋅ November 18, 2015
I know this feeling. And I know how putting it out there can help shift the paradigm. Sending strength and positivity. xo.
Deleted user ⋅ November 19, 2015
now i want oreos!
Wind Swept ⋅ November 19, 2015
You will get there...
I believe remember you from OD, though my name is different here....
echopod ⋅ November 19, 2015
You are doing awesome, even with that list. Just try to change one thing at a time and you'll knock that list out. It's overwhelming to look at it all at once.
dancerd ⋅ November 28, 2015
Good luck with cleaning...everything!
edna million ⋅ December 05, 2015
Wow - you sound just like me! Except I don't have the actual competitions going on. I'm doing the sleeping in if i don't have work, planning to work out but skipping it, way too much beer every night, dinners that consist of sugar and pasta.... and I can't seem to snap of it. You really have had a hellaciously rough year, and I think it's how you are being kind to yourself. I suppose at some point you have to move to the healthier ways of being kind to yourself, and knowing what you're doing is the first, and biggest, step.
SweetMelissa ⋅ December 28, 2015
Yup. Definitely want to swim now.