Fuck. It is cold. So fucking cold. So fucking cold I need to use the word fuck more often to stay conscious. Fucking Minnesota winter.
Ahhhh! Lori's is playing a Franz Ferdinand song! WHEEEEE!!!!
I'm at a coffee shop that is just off campus. I had a class from 8-9 and I have a class at 3 that I have to attend because I'm giving a presentation. On goat semen. Awww yeah. Yay for a 6 hour break whilst being stuck in this area! Sarah and I didn't want to stay in our building so we came here for a change in scenery, taking as much of the trip indoors as we could. Just walking a block and a half was brutal. So fucking brutal. The coffee shop seemed good for the first hourish but now it seems like it's getting colder. I may need to buy another warm beverage. They make excellent chai. My laptop has only 2.5 hours of battery left and we're thinking of staying here for another 4ish hours. If the seats by the outlets become empty, I'm making a beeline for them. Also, they're by the radiator. Mmm....heat.
This weather makes me so exhausted. I need to eat me some whale blubber or something. I don't have to go to class tomorrow, at least, so I can sleep in and start gathering my materials for finals next week.
In other, unfortunate news, Ann passed away on Monday. It was kind of unexpectedly sudden. We received a call from my uncle Matt at like...I dunno, 5:30. Aaron and I had just gotten home from grocery shopping. He left a message that my dad should get to the hospital as soon as possible. I was kind of in a tizzy because I have issues with talking on the phone but obviously wanted to see what was up and try to contact my dad. Aaron was amazing and dealt with all the phone stuff for me. He called Matt back and he didn't really give many details, just saying he really wanted to talk to my dad. My dad was at work so we told Matt we would try to contact him as soon as we could. My dad works at IKEA and it was nearly impossible to get through to him. The number they had for their location redirected to a central number, then we were on hold for an absurdly long time before they connected us to the MN location and then they had to find my dad (he doesn't carry his cell phone with him) and get him to a place where he could be on the phone. I swear, it must have taken us at nearly half an hour. We were able to finally get through to him and he was able to leave work. That was the last we heard of it for the night.
It turns out, she passed away about 5:50, so even if we had been able to contact my dad more promptly, he wouldn't have made it to the hospital in time as the commute is about half an hour and the roads are terrible. While we were on hold with IKEA, we received another call from Matt, but didn't want to risk answering it in cause it disconnected us from the IKEA number, but Aaron and I think it may have been him calling to tell us she had died.
My dad has been really hard on himself for not being there. My mom and I keep telling him that it wasn't his fault, but I know he feels bad. It's weird, because there wasn't really any indication that she would die that quickly. Before work, he visited her and, though she was weak, she was able to get up and walk and hold a conversation. He read her an news article and they were both laughing about it. In a way, I think it's nicer to have a last memory like that than to witness someone die because that last time you see someone really sticks in your memory. Mum and I are curious as to what happened. We're medical people so we can't help wondering. Our top three guesses are that her electrolytes were off so she had an arrhythmia, she became septic very quickly from what was happening in her GI tract or she had a tumor in a highly vascular place or large blood vessel and it eroded through resulting in her bleeding out. That day she was telling the doctors that she wanted to go home, eat something, and come back in for more chemo. She had three separate doctors tell her that there was no more chemo for her, that her cancer was too far along for it to be able to help her. I really wonder if that news made her feel like it was OK for her to die. She had fought so hard as long as there was something that she could do, but since there weren't any more options, maybe she felt it was ok to stop fighting at let herself rest? I have no idea. Honestly, I'm happy she died when she did. I know that sounds terrible, but some deaths can be so long, drawn out, and full of suffering. Undoubtedly she had a long battle with her illness and suffered greatly, but she was lucky she had such a rapid decline so she didn't have to deal with things like bedsores, colostomy bags, urinary catheters, being in a coma, etc.
One of the saddest I've heard about her death is that my dad, after finally arriving at the hospital after she died, sat with her body and sang to her. He's the oldest of his siblings so, in some ways, I think this is harder on him than it is on the others. They often look to him for guidance and has taken on a somewhat parental role at times, especially when they were younger. I don't have siblings, so I have a hard time imagining what he must be feeling but I know he hurts.
The funeral is being planned but I don't know when it is yet. I'm worried because it's so cold and they're going to try to bring my grandfather who is old and frail. I'm also concerned because I have finals next week and I need to be at the funeral, but I'm afraid my professors are going to be dicks if I have to be away during an exam time.
I really need to go study and prepare for my presentation. And possibly obtain another hot drink.
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