Blah in Daisy's Day

I used to write. It was a way to put all my feelings out there and get advice at times. I stopped writing bc I never get on a computer at home anymore. And we all know that writing on your phone just sucks.

My life should be better right now. That was the plan. Bought a nicer bigger house. Got some raises so money is not supposed to be as tight. But no… I still have to get my other house on the market. So 2 house notes kills my bank account. And honestly if it weren’t for my dad, my other house would be nowhere near market ready. It’s getting close. I’m hoping in the next 2 weeks it’ll be done. Then I have to sell it, deal with paying off bills and splitting money and officially getting divorced. Just thinking about all that is stressful.

Then there’s my boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong I love him, and I know that I’m difficult as well, but god. He’s moody all the time. He’s on the verge of losing his job because of some stupid stuff but part of it he deserves to be in trouble for. He’s been lying to me. About drinking. Because apparently it’s my fault that he started drinking even though I told him that if he was going you drink he needed to be careful with it bc his father was an alcoholic. So now not only is he a complete pothead but also an alcoholic. I don’t necessarily agree with the illegality of pot but as I told him it doesn’t matter it’s still illegal currently.

Basically I just feel like I’m drowning. My house is a disaster bc I have zero motivation to get up and do anything. Not only am I already depressed but I’ve also been having a lot of back sciatica problems lately which also make getting out of bed doubly hard. The bf feels like he does everything. I don’t disagree but that’s his excuse for drinking. But him drinking and lying to me does nothing to make me want to get out of bed.

Sometimes I think I need to be by myself for a while.