Insert something creative here in Safety Net
- Oct. 24, 2015, 12:40 a.m.
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- Public
There was a time, not so very long ago, that people always commented about me being such a strong person. I never saw it then, but looking back I can see that I was. I had to be. Mostly for my brother, but a little for me too. I even have had a few people over the years tell me that I’m the strongest person they’ve ever met. I never bought that, but whatever. I don’t hear things like that anymore. Instead I hear about how much I’ve changed. I hear things about how positive I used to be and how people miss that about me. I’ve never considered myself a real positive person, but I can see that I’m more negative than I used to be. I hear all about how I need to pull myself together and move on with my life. I hear how I need to just leave it all behind and start over. But mostly, I just keep hearing about how much I’ve changed. I have two words for everyone:
NO SHIT!
Of course I’ve changed! I’ve never exactly had an easy life, but the past couple of years have definitely been the worst. After all I’ve experienced and all I’ve lost, did you really expect me to stay the same? If I was the same as I was two years ago, I’d really start to think I’m some sort of psychopath or something.
People like to think they’re helping me by pointing out the obvious. We’ll hold on to your butts people because I don’t think I’m done yet. I’ve felt completely numb since my brother died. I haven’t even begun to mourn my great grandmother. Or my grandpa, who was one of my absolute favorite people ever. Some day, the shock I’m still experiencing from losing my brother and best friend will lessen. It will never go away. Some day I’ll be able to process everything that has happened over the past few years. In the meantime, be patient with me. If you don’t want to be patient, if you don’t want to support me in my time of need like I’ve supported you over the years, fine. I’m not going to stop anyone who wants to leave. Just don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
crazymixedup ⋅ October 24, 2015
You're still the same person you always were. You're just dealing with losses in a natural way. I don't know why anyone would expect you to be feeling as positive as before. And moving on has to be done at your own speed and depends on a lot of circumstances. In many ways, I've never been able to move on from my divorce, though I'm surviving. Surviving is what we do when we experience loss. Moving on may or may not ever happen. It takes a lot of courage just to survive. Feeling positive will only happen when there's something to feel positive about.