Hungo in things from my TextEdit

I just realized it’s been a while since I’ve written in here so I guess I’ll say HI
HI house is getting less stressful but the effects of the stress I’ve gone through thus far is evident by all of the pimples chilling under my bangs. Joelle has just finally got her bed upstairs but she’s decided to christen her fully-moved in-ness by having other people stay over and in her bed for the next week or so while she sleeps on the floor.
Don’t get me wrong I’d totally invite her into my bed but she’s doing floor sleeping with her boyfriend and they stay up half the night flirting.
Damn though, crazy.

I’m not gonna even get into refrigerators because jesus christ what a headache that all was.

But the big thing now is catching back up with doing well in school. I have two midterms tomorrow and I’m already tired af.
Spent last night at John Henry’s. That whole thing is going well. I forgot the magical ease of talking to him about my qualms or issues within the relationship.
Saturday him and I went to NYC to his friends poetry reading and it was fine or maybe good, I think he really had a good time and I had a fine time also during a moment alone with his friend, the guy told me I was better than John Henry’s ex so like SCORE yeah she sucks. I lost my phone though.

And because I lost my phone I was texting Joelle through John Henry’s phone and saw a text from his ex and it took me a while to admit I’d seen it since that’s kind of like an invasion of privacy but, I brought it up and we talked it out for a while. He says she just texts him from time to time IDK GUYS him kissing her last year threw me off by a LOT I feel kind of traumatized by the whole thing. Thinking about her makes me want to make volcanoes erupt and, other things.

Like of course JH was the dumbass in all of that too, but yeah, I think he knows he hasn’t fully regained my trust yet.
I keep giving him shit for being self involved, he tells me the better way to deal with that is for me to become more self involved. That sounds bad but it’s really an okay idea given that mostly in relationships I default to the dude, fall into step with him, and totally forget myself so yeah a little more self-involvement on my part would probably be better for the health of a relationship not to mention my grades in school.

BUT SOMETIMES IT’S JUST SO HARD BECAUSE HE’S SO CUTE lol I don’t even know or get it.

One thing though is I wish I could better feel him loving and wanting me.
I know he does, it’s evident in his behaviors, but it’s like a very conscious and deliberate thing.

A lot more things all around but I am very tired and still have a couple of trains and a long walk ahead of me carrying way too heavy of a bag.

Much love