Survey. in Orange, red and gold are the leaves. Autumn 2015

What part of pop culture do you wish would just go away?

I really hate the current rape culture, I feel as though equality has gone backwards in terms of sexual equality. The idea that blokes will easily refer to a woman as a slut because she’s had sex, or has a tattoo in a particular place, or wears a certain kind of clothing, or says a certain words, or exists.

The idea that is bandied about on many websites that what occurs in porn is the real deal, the commonality of photos of ‘junk’ being sent and the expectancy of a likewise reply.

Also the concepts of beauty and the lack thereof which are in our faces at all times.

And yes, part of this is because I have daughters but it’s also because these actions display an utter lack of respect.

What is your favorite salty snack?

And now a huge, skidding halt as we become less serious! I love nuts, not photos of bloke’s nuts but cashews, peanuts, pistachios etc… And a bit of salt on them makes them that much better.

What song do you love to dance to?

I love to dance, I will dance to anything that makes me feel like moving, although the Bear Necessities always has me shaking my thang..!

What was your most embarrassing hair style?

Embarrassing? Hmmm, I was a teenager in the 80’s! Come on, I rocked those 80’s styles big time! People who look back at photos, embarrassed by how they look, are wrong. You were fashionable at the time, how could it be embarrassing? I had an amazing mullet in ‘84, it was very short and spiky on top and graduated down to nestle on my neck. There’s a brilliant photo of me on the Jungfraujoch in Switzerland, that mullet, some fab 80’s sunnies, right jeans and an electric blue mohair sweater with a pink mohair electric guitar on the front. I also had the poodle perm; it was mega, huge! It went utterly afro! But of course we Mustn’t forget the goth era; the black, back combed and crimped hair, the shaved sections. And, of course, I had a rat’s tail several times during the 80’s. My hair lived that decade!

If you could have a drink with someone from history who would it be?

John Betjeman. If you’re unsure of who he is, he was a poet through the 20th century, poet laureate in the 70’s. I love his poetry and (although I’ve only just thought of this), could be why I love 20th century history. Check out The Subaltern’s Love-Song which is one of my favourites. I would love to chat with him about architecture, his life and childhood. I would love to know the man.

What is the furthest west you have traveled?

California. I travelled there in ‘98. I saw the Pacific which had been on my bucket list, and I travelled along the PCH and Mullholland Drive on the back of a motorbike. I also travelled along I15 to Las Vegas which my kids think is cool because it goes through the Mojave Desert.

What is the funniest thing you have heard a child say?

Holy Moly, I’ve worked with kids for (almost) 21 years! I could come up with loads! I think I will use the favourite oldie. I was nanny to a gorgeous little girls called Katherine (who now posts many photos of her clubbing adventures on Facebook). we went swimming every week and one day we were in the changing room when she asked, very loudly, “why have you got a hairy bottom?” I didn’t dare look anyone in the eye as we came out.

What vegetable do you hate?

I think hate is an extreme word and I don’t like prejudice, choosing to hate a vegetable just because it happens to be a sprout is terrible. How can one judge it based on its green, round smallness? Or its bitter taste? No, my friend, get to know that sprout. Find out about its childhood, its history and life. Then you can say “that mthfkn sprout is an evil dude.” Unless you cut it up and fry it with bacon, that’s the only way to eat sprouts. They’re all evil, bitter and small…!

Have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper?

When Toy Library moved we got the local paper in to do an article to advertise our new location. They photographed my girls and I.

If you could live in any other country for 2 years where would you go?

Well, I went with USA last time I had that choice, although it was 13 months rather than 2 years. Now? Yikes, I don’t think I want to stay in one place. Of course, there is my Spain obsession so that would enter in but what about Latin America? I’d love to spend some time getting to know the world.

Do you believe in God?

This is a very inflammatory question, it rises too many passions and people who desperately want others to share their faith. I believe in the power of humanity, of kindness and respect to others. I believe that we should listen and accept without judgement; open our hearts to nature and believe that we can be the change in the world. I do not believe that we are all born with sin in our hearts, sin is learned. And I believe in science (as well as faeries).

And if you believe in something different then I respect and appreciate that.

If you could see 24 hours into the future what would you do with this ability?

I must admit, I would do A Billion for Boris. If you haven’t read this, it was the brilliant sequel to Freaky Friday in which the little bother had a tv which only showed tomorrow’s shows. Boris (the boy neighbour who, it turned out, was called Morris but he had a sinus problem) put bets on the upcoming sports games. If I could see into the future I would put a bet on tomorrow’s games that would make us comfortable enough that I could not work therefore home school the girls.

What is the worst physical pain you have ever been in?

I would have to say childbirth BUT (and, as you can see, it’s a big but) it was amazing too. I found the contractions a little hard to deal with but I will always remember feeling my girls as they were actually born and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

In what way are your parents out of date?

Well, mum died so she will always be of the 20th century but both my parents were/are in date. Their own date. Who’s to say that we must keep up with fashions and fads to be acceptably in date. My dad is going to be 74 in three weeks and he can use Photoshop better than you can, his main form of contact is email and he holds values that include respect.

What are you afraid of?

The future for my girls. What will be there for them? Will eldest be able to learn how to cope with social situations? Will youngest learn to not be swayed by peer pressure? Those are my biggest fears.

Do you have faith in the next generation? Why?

I teach the next generation, there are some brilliant minds out there but there does seem to be quite an intense blame culture. Hopefully the next generation will learn to accept responsibility as well as deal with situations that arise in their lives.

What makes you laugh?

My husband and my girls. We do giggle together!

What exotic pet would you like to have?

I’d love a lizard, in lieu of that I have a tattoo of one.

What are your marketable skills?

I give a shit. That kid who gets into trouble every day? I’ll take him out of class to do some one to one time, I’ll listen. That kid who never gets anything in the spelling test? I’ll make a game to help with learning. The kid who tells me that something isn’t fair? I’ll listen and see if I can remedy that situation. If I’m on the playground I’ll be the adult playing tag and if I’m in the classroom I’ll be high fiving achievements.

Who taught you to cook?

My mum did, over the phone, when I was first a nanny. I would tell her what ingredients were in the house and she would tell me what to do with them!

What color underwear are you wearing?

I’m in bed…

What single piece of technology makes your life easier?

Hot water, heating systems and electricity running straight into my house. That wasn’t common when my grandparents were kids.

What do you miss from your childhood?

Anonymity. Being able to exist without Google knowing where you are, what you bought or ate. Writing letters that were only read by recipients. I love the internet and equally hate it.

What do you do to impress someone you are attracted to?

I love him, I remind him of that. I rub his neck when he feels a migraine coming on and cook his meals (he washes up). I smile at him and giggle with him.