i just got home from the doctors. ive been making the rounds, meeting all the doctors at the practice. last visit, no issue about my weight. this visit, the doctor said i was measure about a week ahead of where i should be and she noticed in my chart i had gained a significant amount of weight since the beginning of my pregnancy. ive basically put on 40-50lbs, which means im weighing almost 200lbs now. so she was slightly concerned about that, but not majorly. she said at my next visit if im still measuring large, ill have to have one more ultra sound to see how large the baby is. ultimately, if hes too large, ill have to have a c-section. i do not want a c-section (even if it means 2 extra weeks off of work that are paid). i also am very tired of feeling so fat and worrying about taking the weight off once i give birth. sigh its just difficult when i have early mornings, late evenings, im not sleeping well and my husband doesnt eat well either. hes so darn picky. gonna try to eat mainly salads and healthy things before my next appointment in two weeks. i dont think im going to loose any weight, but id like to not gain any more either.
i never thought id be someone who struggled with their weight. even before the pregnancy, i was struggling. right before i got pregnant, i wanted to get into a better workout routine and eat better. ive been going back and forth with that for years now. ever since college and having to cook/fend for myself, my weight has been a struggle. i used to dance 5 days a week. now, i barely workout at all (even more the pregnancy). i always have good intentions, but i have difficult following through. and it always comes down to my schedule. i plan on working out, even for 20 minutes, when i get home, but i end up having to call parents or do a bunch of things at work or get stuck in crazy NYC traffic for 2 hours and i loose all motivation. ive tried getting up early and working out too…but i end up being so tired it ruins my day. i always danced in the evenings, so working out then seems right to me. i just dont know how im going to drop this weight once the baby is here. it was hard enough trying to keep my weight under control before the baby. now…im gonna have a baby to take care of! plus work. plus taking care of a household. its so overwhelming. i wish i wasnt worrying about it so much. i just feel like its the one thing im doing wrong for myself and my baby right now. sigh
maybe its just that hes a big guy and maybe ill be more motivated once hes here to really take care of myself and him and hubby. i need to make the decision. i need to make the sacrifice. i need to make the time. i need to stick to my schedule. maybe once hes here and i cant stay at work late, ill be on a better schedule and will be able to workout and loose the weight better. guess we’ll just have to see.
~mana~
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