…one writes an entry.
work is not fulfilling right now.
i didn’t get into education to be a paper pusher. i am doing something similar to what i did my first year out of the classroom, but at that point, i was more just inundated with new information and procedures to really have time to think about it. additionally, i got hired and was with a group of great people who were equally green and we bonded in our newness and growth.
last year, i still worked directly with school teams and field administrators and helped guide them (i hope) to provide and document better services for students. some things happened with certain people, but for the most part, there was still a core group of coworkers who i bonded with and shared experiences with.
this year it’s different. while some of the core group is still around, we’ve been split up moreso and there are several who have been moved elsewhere. additionally, i am very indirectly involved in processes at the local level. part of is that we’re giving the field duties that we used to do pretty well if i do say so, and watching much less spectacular results occur. granted, i’m also working to create processes and streamline systems that may live on, that’s not really what i want to be known for. i guess it’s similar to a parent being known for how to organize all toys by color or a friend being known for how to successfully pack a car for a long trip. they may be interesting and good things, but not what either party wants to have as their main legacy.
it leads me to feeling adrift in life. the possible opportunity that presented itself earlier has yet to materialize. while i understand that it will be a process, paperwork and whatnot that i learned about today, it’s been making me anxious. both about the possibility of moving on, but also of trying to get my house in order. i like to leave things better than i found them. and sometimes it’s hard to do so.
personally, i feel like i have stagnated as well, in a sense. part of me wants to attribute this to the change in the amount of daylight. i’m sure it plays a part, but i am not sure how much. it’s tough to leave for work when it is dark out and to get home when it is dark out as well.
also trying to figure some other things out on a more personal level. in some ways, i’ve found out i’ve become the exact opposite of the person i want to be and that is a rude wake up call. while changing seems like a simple flip of a switch, i know that’s it a process as well. a while back i posted something about wanting to become a better person and that i was worth the effort. a coworker responded that it couldn’t be that hard for me. how wrong she is.
here’s to sleep and the future…
Loading comments...